• 30Nov
    Categories: Single Parenting Comments Off on Sleeping while children play

    [copied from the Caring Bridge site]

    Tired again. Guess I should get used to it. I keep thinking it will be nice to get rid of this ball on the front of me and to get to the point where I can sleep normally, but then I guess we will have the issue of whether or not the baby wants to sleep. I did get a bit of a nap this afternoon. I vaguely remember Abigail and Josiah coming in to my room and taking Payden downstairs (his nap didn’t coinside with everyone else’s so he was just roaming around on the floor while I napped on the bed). When I did get up, I found out that almost all of them were up, the living room was a mess, there was some liquid (probably bottle) all over and around Payden-luckily he was confined to the bouncer chair thing we have-, and Grandma had just finished grouching at them for having ripped up one of her favorite magazines. Ooops Mommy. Oh well, I got some sleep.

    If I don’t get enough sleep then depression sets in and it’s a bit harder to operate through out the day, but God is still helping. Family shows up, I get a phone call, the mail is a great pick me up here lately (I’m not getting any bills-rather I’m getting all kinds of cards, letters, and notes of encouragement that help to keep me going) and the kids love to help open everything. Their favorite thing is to rip it open and see if we got any “dollars” . . something they figured out this past year during birthdays. =) Cracks me up almost every time. Sooner or later they will figure out that most mail is people wanting to take your dollars not people giving you dollars. Oh, it’s great to be a kid and to see things so simply, with no worries or responsibilities.

  • 24Nov
    Categories: Single Parenting Comments Off on Rough day

    [copied from the Caring Bridge site]

    It’s been a rough day. I was up a lot earlier than I should have been, didn’t get a nap (almost a necessity for this pregnant woman), and am still up at 10 pm because I just can’t seem to get all the stuff done that I need to do. I found a bit of resentment or anger or something creeping into my attitude today. Maybe it’s a bit of hopelessness . . . some of it stems from the lack of sleep I’m sure, but I fear my natural bent to human emotions is kicking in again. I’m mean, you can only be frozen for so long when faced with this kind of heat. Eventually the shock has to wear off and we have to face the ugliness that has been hiding behind the curtains, the extreme’s of human emotions that get us into trouble. Training takes over in a time of stress, but eventually the emotions break through the barriers and cause you to question your training. Then it’s a matter of defying the moment of weakness, remembering that your training and decisions of faith were done at a time when there was less stress, and trusting yourself and the one who trained you to have thought through the options carefully when there was no pressure. So, I guess I defy my emotions. I refuse to think about it at this point, and I’m going to bed so that I will be able to think more rationally in the morning.

    So, did I confuse anyone? That’s o.k. I managed to work out a few things for myself and those who need to know, will. Thanks again for all your prayers. Especially today. Keep this new baby in mind, too. It won’t be much longer.