[copied from the Caring Bridge site]
It’s been a rough day. I was up a lot earlier than I should have been, didn’t get a nap (almost a necessity for this pregnant woman), and am still up at 10 pm because I just can’t seem to get all the stuff done that I need to do. I found a bit of resentment or anger or something creeping into my attitude today. Maybe it’s a bit of hopelessness . . . some of it stems from the lack of sleep I’m sure, but I fear my natural bent to human emotions is kicking in again. I’m mean, you can only be frozen for so long when faced with this kind of heat. Eventually the shock has to wear off and we have to face the ugliness that has been hiding behind the curtains, the extreme’s of human emotions that get us into trouble. Training takes over in a time of stress, but eventually the emotions break through the barriers and cause you to question your training. Then it’s a matter of defying the moment of weakness, remembering that your training and decisions of faith were done at a time when there was less stress, and trusting yourself and the one who trained you to have thought through the options carefully when there was no pressure. So, I guess I defy my emotions. I refuse to think about it at this point, and I’m going to bed so that I will be able to think more rationally in the morning.
So, did I confuse anyone? That’s o.k. I managed to work out a few things for myself and those who need to know, will. Thanks again for all your prayers. Especially today. Keep this new baby in mind, too. It won’t be much longer.