• 25Aug
    Categories: Musings, Single Parenting Comments Off on The Lie of Inadequacy

    I was feeling a bit low this morning when I turned to Exodus for my devotional reading. I was sludging my way through the building of the tabernacle when I found an interesting verse.

    35:30-31 “And Moses said unto the children of Israel, See, the Lord hath called by name Bezaleel the son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah; And he hath filled him with the spirit of God, in wisdom, in understanding, and in knowledge, and in all manner of workmanship:”

    The first thing that caught my eye was Hur. Was this the same Hur that helped Aaron to hold up the arms of Moses? This is his grandson. It appears that he was passing on a Godly heritage.   And then I noticed Bezaleel. God gave him everything he needed for his job. And it was more than just the skills needed to turn out a perfect ring or stave, God also gave him the head and the heart for the job as well as the wisdom to do it according to God’s specifications.

    Then things get personal. God has given me everything I need to do my job, too. He’s given me the job, He’s given me the skills, and He’s given me the heart to do what He wants me to do exactly the way He wants it done.

    So, in reality, my feelings of inadequacy are Satan’s lies telling me that I can’t trust God. When I’m tired and don’t feel up to the task I must remember that God has given me everything I need and I must trust Him . . . trust Him . . . trust Him . . . It’s not me that will do it, but Him through me (if I let Him).

  • 21Dec

    We watched a movie last night where the man got down on his knees and bowed his head to the ground as he prayed.  My kids found this unusual and started asking questions (they have only seen that in reference to the Muslim faith).  Caleb apparently was listening.  =)

    Today I walked into his bedroom to find him in a similar position.  I heard him talking and assumed he was talking to whatever toy he had hidden underneath him and so I said something to him.  He didn’t even lift his head, just said “I’m praying to God, Mommy.”

    I stepped out of the room quickly, but just had to stay close long enough to listen.  =) Ahh, my heart is smiling.

    He needed a new dad and he remembered to tack a ‘Thank You’ on the end.

    My heart is encouraged.  If I can pass on the faith I will have succeeded.

  • 18Nov

    I’m torn between gloating and acting like it was no big deal, but either way I have to admit that I am just tickled.

    I installed a dishwasher yesterday!!  My delivery guys showed up before I was ready for them and I was scrambling to get the old one unhooked (which I also managed to do with minimal mess) while they were standing there waiting for me.  It’s the Lord’s grace that kept me calm and thinking clearly I’m sure.  I’ve also been struggling with some attitude issues  in some of my children and so the pressure was on to remain calm while dealing with frustrating situations (not totally sure I managed that one).

    I had to hook up the plumbing, wire in the plug, and make sure the stabilizers were level, all while the kids were finishing up school.  We turned the electrical and water back on and I ran some water through it, but I haven’t done a full load yet.  That is this morning’s trauma, because I’m sure that I must have made a mistake somewhere.

    I was sad to see the old one go.  Little changes like that can really cause havoc.  The learning curve on a machine that is such an integral part of our daily lives can be . . . well, a bit stressful.  The old one was one that Dan purchased in West Virginia as an anniversary present after I spent several months washing dishes in a bowl of water that I had to get from the upstairs bathroom.  =} So it has a few memories attached to it, but it was either get a new one or continue to live with the perpetually dirty dishes and towel and drip bucket sitting in kicking range of my kitchen sink.  (I’ve debated the merits of just having the kids wash the dishes . . . but not really wanting to put my energy into that particular battle at this point in my life.)  Practicality won over sentimentality.

    So I’m off to brave the dangers of amateur plumbing.  =) At least I know where the shut off valve is!  =)


  • 26Jul
    Categories: Single Parenting Comments Off on The War

    This week I sent my kids to Day Camp where they learned all about the armor of God.

    Today we head off to The War (Youth Activity).

    I’d laugh at the irony of it all except the truth is closer than I really want to admit.  I am spending days, weeks, months, even years trying to teach my children about God, His Word, His laws, and His protection, while exposing them to skirmishes, and strategies that will help them when they must stand in battle.  We recently went on a trip that I was hoping would help with that a bit.  I put them in a situation where we needed to work together as a unit and I was proud of what they accomplished.  I have some good soldiers in the making.  Now to work on that whining . . . =}

  • 17May

    Well it’s happened.  I am officially a ‘mean mom.’  =)

    My daughter told me this morning that next something about next week wouldn’t matter because she wouldn’t be here.  Combined with other rumblings I’ve heard, that means she is running away.  No going off in a huff for this one.  She has the date and time picked out.  Her bags are packed.

    I wonder if she has a destination in mind.  Nana’s house isn’t too far away but something tells me that Nana will soon send her back.

  • 04Mar

    I had a startling thought this morning.

    I have been a single mother for five years!

    Strange as it may be, I knew that I had been a widow for five years but somehow I didn’t quite connect that with parenting.  Of course, I paused for reflection.  Benjamin was 6, he will be 13 next year (that thought alone has caused all kinds of interesting reflections).  Caleb never even knew his daddy.  He has no idea what it’s like to have two parents.  In fact, most of my kids have no idea what it’s like to have a two-parent home.  They have vague memories and ideas of what they think it means.  They have weird ideas like “Grandpa is our daddy” or the nanny is our “other mommy,” but they really have no idea how a two-parent family would function.

    Then I looked at my children.  None of them have gone off the deep end (they are a bit young for that, I guess).  They are well behaved for the most part.  They are responsible and capable of many things.  They help with the housework and watching out for each other.  Sometimes they even think to do something nice for Mom.  There are things that we are working on, of course, but who isn’t?  It’s not easy being a single parent, but I’m guessing God has been helping quite a bit because I think my kids are doing o.k.

    Huh. Five years.  We might make it yet.

  • 18Dec

    This morning I look out my window to my own little winter wonderland.  The neighbor’s yard has the fresh unbroken look that calls for footprints and explorations as it gives the appearance of a beautiful arctic waste where no man has gone before.

    My yard has been explored.  =)  There are literally thousands of tiny footprints (and some not so tiny) making trails in every direction through the glistening snow.  The front yard is covered with sled tracks, foot prints, snow angels, and even a snowball fort.

    Maybe my yard has lost the quiet peaceful look of a snowy morning, but I find myself smiling with love as I think of the joys of my children as they play in the snow and I’m not sorry that my yard looks a bit more chaotic.  I love each and every one of my children (even the troublemakers) and I wouldn’t trade my yard for the neighbor’s yard for anything.

  • 21Oct

    So, I’m out on a birthday date with my daughter and she tells me,

    “You are the best Mom ever.”

    I smile ’cause that’s so sweet.  And then silly me decides to test the waters.

    “So, if someone else was your Mommy then would they be the best Mom ever?”

    “Of course.  Anyone who is my Mom is the best Mom ever.”

    So, it’s not me, personally, that is the Best Mom Ever, rather it is anyone who is Maranatha’s (7) Mom that is the Best Mom Ever.  =)

    Should have stopped while I was ahead.  =)

    Their honesty is so amusing to me.  I love my kids.

  • 08Jan

    I’m getting old.

    And to those of you who are “older” than I am and are laughing at me and my apparent youth, take a moment and think back to when you realized you weren’t “young” anymore.  Maybe you looked in the mirror and realized that skin didn’t quite have that youthful blush anymore, or you looked down toward your toes and noticed that things were starting to sag, maybe you couldn’t see your toes, maybe you found one of those nasty strands of gray hair, and the realization started settling in that you were on the downward slide of old age rather than the upward growth of youth.

    Did your spouse remind you that he thought you were still beautiful?  Or did he laugh at you and comment that at least he didn’t have to grow old alone?

    You are only as old as you feel.

    Right.  Well, most days I’m somewhere around 29, but every now and then I hit a day or two where I feel like I’m closer to 92.  Especially after a string of days where everyone has been sick like this past Christmas vacation.  It wasn’t much of a vacation as we were all feeling quite lethargic, coughing all the time, runny noses, fever, lots of naps, medicine, blankets, and some grouchiness.  We offset some of the negatives with a few positives like cuddles with mom, puzzles, and movies, and for those feeling a bit better, some sledding and playing in the snow, but we would all like to get out of the house at this point.  I think we’ve been stuck here pretty much since Christmas, no church, no shopping, no nothing.  Not quite sure I’m ready to expose the world to this just yet, though.  Got to hang in a bit longer.  We are back to school, but that is a bit of a struggle too as we adjust to the mental work required when our brains still feel a bit fuzzy.

    God is good.  It could have been worse.  It wasn’t a messy kind of sick (other than the house getting disgustingly dirty), it wasn’t the kind of sick that debilitated us and made it impossible to do anything, and strange as it may sound, at least we all got it together (well, mom held out a bit longer).  It’s easier to sympathize with each other that way and I hate to think how long this would have drug on if we had gotten it separately.  I might not have gotten back to church before spring!

    Well, time to get a move on and head for school.  Another day is before me and with age comes the wisdom needed to keep going.  =)

  • 01Dec

    Wahoo!  Basketball is back in season!  I do so love going to the games.  It is my chance to get out, to socialize, and to have some good old fashioned fun.  Of course you might think that my whole personality changes . . . =)  I jump and yell and scream myself hoarse, rather than being the calm, quiet mother of seven with a load of responsibility on her shoulders.  Maybe that’s the fun part; I can forget for approximately 60 minutes that I have all that responsibility and just relax and have fun.  So, if you saw (or heard) me last night and thought I was going crazy . . . ha ha, well, you were right.  =)