• 18Jan
    Categories: Musings Comments: 3

    Deuteronomy 6:7  And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

    What is my reason and vision for homeschooling? 

    I home-school because:

    I like it.

    I like the challenge.

    I like watching my children grasping a concept.

    I like the interaction with my children.

    I like how they learn to get along with each other.

    I like the closeness we have as a family.

    I like the safety and security it provides.

    I like the variety and flexibility.

    I like learning alongside my children.

    I like the fact they are learning from “experienced” adults vs. their silly peers.

    I like the fact that I can teach them Biblically without them having to unlearn the lies of evolution and other such ideas.

    That’s a start, I guess.  I just needed to clarify some of that for my benefit and maybe even for my children’s benefit at some point.


  • 08Jan

    I’m getting old.

    And to those of you who are “older” than I am and are laughing at me and my apparent youth, take a moment and think back to when you realized you weren’t “young” anymore.  Maybe you looked in the mirror and realized that skin didn’t quite have that youthful blush anymore, or you looked down toward your toes and noticed that things were starting to sag, maybe you couldn’t see your toes, maybe you found one of those nasty strands of gray hair, and the realization started settling in that you were on the downward slide of old age rather than the upward growth of youth.

    Did your spouse remind you that he thought you were still beautiful?  Or did he laugh at you and comment that at least he didn’t have to grow old alone?

    You are only as old as you feel.

    Right.  Well, most days I’m somewhere around 29, but every now and then I hit a day or two where I feel like I’m closer to 92.  Especially after a string of days where everyone has been sick like this past Christmas vacation.  It wasn’t much of a vacation as we were all feeling quite lethargic, coughing all the time, runny noses, fever, lots of naps, medicine, blankets, and some grouchiness.  We offset some of the negatives with a few positives like cuddles with mom, puzzles, and movies, and for those feeling a bit better, some sledding and playing in the snow, but we would all like to get out of the house at this point.  I think we’ve been stuck here pretty much since Christmas, no church, no shopping, no nothing.  Not quite sure I’m ready to expose the world to this just yet, though.  Got to hang in a bit longer.  We are back to school, but that is a bit of a struggle too as we adjust to the mental work required when our brains still feel a bit fuzzy.

    God is good.  It could have been worse.  It wasn’t a messy kind of sick (other than the house getting disgustingly dirty), it wasn’t the kind of sick that debilitated us and made it impossible to do anything, and strange as it may sound, at least we all got it together (well, mom held out a bit longer).  It’s easier to sympathize with each other that way and I hate to think how long this would have drug on if we had gotten it separately.  I might not have gotten back to church before spring!

    Well, time to get a move on and head for school.  Another day is before me and with age comes the wisdom needed to keep going.  =)

  • 18Dec
    Categories: Family Updates, Musings Comments Off on Christmas Spirit

    Well, the Christmas season is in full swing and yet my heart is heavy.  I cry for those I know who are going through their first Christmas of their season of grief.  I have accepted my new normal and feel comfortable with my life, but there is just something about this season that seems to send signals to my brain telling me that all is not quite as it should be.  I also tend to need more sleep this time of year so that could play into it a little bit.  =)

    We do have a tree up and some lights in the playroom.  We had our annual ‘cookie day’ where we got together with cousins and friends and made . . oh, I don’t know . . a hundred dozen cookies.  Most of them are gone already.  We had our Christmas Cantada at church (all but the youngest were involved in that).  I have some cards . . . I just haven’t done anything with them.  There are a few gifts in hiding . . .

    And yet there is so much more to Christmas than that.  The GriefShare group that I co-led this fall reminded me that we are celebrating the birth of the one that came to DIE for us.  As a widow I have  a new perspective on the idea of celebrating a death.  I still can’t put it into words, but somehow the HOPE that Christmas presents is so much more poignant and real.

    I hope you all take some time to meditate on the real meaning of Christmas and the Hope that we have in Christ if we believe on Him.



  • 23Nov
    Categories: Musings Comments: 1

    Why are we so surprised when God does something that “we wouldn’t do”?  It doesn’t shock us speechless when our husbands act differently than we do, or our brothers and sisters decide to do something different from what we want to do.  We expect them to act differently because they aren’t wired the same way we are.  Well, God isn’t wired the same way we are.  “His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways.”

    It might shock us when we find out a neighbor murdered her husband, or a co-worker cheated on his wife, but we probably didn’t have a very close relationship with them.  It is easier to accept that those that we know intimately are very different from us.

    Do I have an intimate knowledge of God?  Can I accept that He is so very different from me?  Can I assume that as the boss of my life, His plan might be different from anything I have come up with at this point?

  • 20Nov
    Categories: Musings Comments: 1

    So correct me if I’m wrong . . .

    1. We have not because we ask not, or we ask amiss.  (Scripture, so has to be true)

    2. God always answers prayer: yes, no, or wait.

    3. God supplies all our needs.

    4. Then, based on the previous statements: ‘we have not because we need it not’


    1. I have asked, correctly (in theory)

    2. God has answered, because He always does.

    3. Therefore, if I have not received then I must not need it . . at least at this point in time since there is still the ‘wait’ answer to consider.

    Do I, or even Do you, NOT need whatever we are asking the Lord for at this moment in our lives?

    Fine Print:  I am not negating the need for continued prayer or advocating a loss of hope, but desiring to encourage a contentment with our lives based on God’s omnipotence and omniscience.

  • 15Nov
    Categories: Musings Comments Off on True Satisfaction

    “The soul was made for God and will never be satisfied until we rest wholly on Him.”

    Don’t know if someone else said this or not, but it was just so real to me I had to share.

  • 11Apr

    We are grieving again at the loss of another family member.  Our Uncle Jasper has lost his wife of six months and their little one just barely conceived.  At first the shock of hearing the news threw me into a tailspin that had me shaking and crying and left my mind floundering for it’s next thought.  In a lot of ways I felt like I lost two years or so of recovery time and the pain and anguish were pushing me into the ground again.  It was hard to think and function in a world that didn’t even realize that something was missing.  And then came the field trip.

    I had been planning a field trip to a local model train museum for several weeks and I was wondering if funeral plans and such would rearrange the event, but God had something else in mind.  The morning of, I was again overwhelmed with the pain and found it difficult to pull myself out from under my pillow and I turned to God in my distress.  “Lord, you are going to have to help me.  I cannot do this today on my own.  There is no way I can function like this.  I’m in charge.  I need a clear head in order to handle the responsibilities of a possible 20-some children plus adults and I have no backup plan if it rains.”

    Just about then I hear a serious scream from my youngest.  I’m out of bed in the blink of an eye and off to see the problem.  He is throwing up and I quickly determine that we both need a bath.  He gets his first and gets sent off with a sibling with appropriate instructions and the day begins.  “Thank you, Lord, for getting me out of bed.”

    My help arrives, takes in the situation, realizes I’m not emotionally up to par and refrains from asking the tons of questions I know she wants and needs answers to, until I am emotionally ready to handle them (like 4/5:00 p.m.).  “Thank you, Lord, for her patience and sensitivity.”

    Nanna is more than willing to help with watching Caleb(3) so that the rest of us can continue with our trip without fear of infecting everyone else and worries over the comfort and cleanliness of having a sick child come along.  “Thank you, Lord, for her willingness to help.”

    The sun is shining and there is not a cloud in the sky.  I focus on that, reminding myself that the Lord has answered my prayer.  The sunshine brings a strange comfort.  I know that God is there, that He cares, and that He provides the grace.  I cling to that.

    The trip goes off without a hitch and I was even able to push everything aside to be dealt with later and actually enjoy the day.  God is good.  He’s not just good, He’s great!

    Somewhere in the midst of that day I realized again just how wonderful it is to be loved and cared for by my Saviour.  And strangely enough I found myself glad to be in the midst of such trying circumstances.  I’m not happy about another death and the pain that comes with that.  But I have come to appreciate the depth of my relationship with my Saviour during the difficult times.  I told Jasper that I was sorry for his loss but not sorry about the time He would get to spend with God.  In some ways I envy him.  It’s the darkness of night where you can see the light most clearly.

    Lord, I’m sorry that I have allowed so much to come between us.  I’m sorry that I haven’t put the effort into our relationship that I should have.  I’m sorry that I waited until a crisis in my life before I turned to You for help with every little detail.  Thank you for loving us and caring for us, no matter how strange and stupid we are.  I love you.

  • 27Feb
    Categories: Musings Comments: 4

    I have been vainly looking for a ministry opportunity and then I had a thought.

    I do have a ministry.

    I have RememberingDan, I have my writing, I have piano playing at church, and of course, my kids.  They don’t seem like ministries.  That’s like . . . breathing.  I just do them because I almost have to.  Should our ministries be so much a part of who we are?  Is my search for a ministry in reality a search for something else?  Maybe worth or a sense of achievement . . . maybe stability or security . . . maybe a desire to be needed . . . maybe a commitment that will show me that I can be disciplined . . maybe attention or notice (I like to think I’m not that shallow, but I guess I’m still human and susceptible to their normal foibles) . . . maybe friendships or validation . . .

    If this is true (that it’s actually a search for something else–it would be helpful to narrow it down to what it really is) then it would be more effective to apply the correct bandage directly over the wound.

    I do need to remember that it is the Holy Spirit who is empowering me to do my ministries and if I try doing another ministry just to cover up another need in my life then the lack of the Holy Spirit will be noticeable and all I will reap will be exhaustion, frustrations, and more problems.

    My effectiveness even in child-rearing is dependent upon the Holy Spirit, not on what I do or how perfectly I achieve my goals or even live my life.  He is the one who is working in the lives of others.  My impact is only of value if He chooses to use it, which I believe He will if I am working under His direction.

  • 25Jan
    Categories: Musings Comments: 6

    I had an epiphany tonight!!  =) 

    Dan and I used to wonder just what made heaven so great.  Other than the fact that the alternative was a less than pleasant idea, logically speaking we couldn’t figure out why we would want to have a huge mansion in a city full of people.   Tonight I figured it out.  We were thinking of heaven as a placeBut heaven isn’t a place, heaven is the presence of God. 

    Think of the saying “home is where the heart is.”  We realize that the house doesn’t make a home, it’s the people, your family, that makes a place a home.  It’s the same way with a church.  The church building doesn’t make a church, it’s the people who use the building, the body of believers, that make up the church.  Heaven is the same way.  It’s not a building, a city, or a place, it’s the people you are surrounded with, it’s being in the presence of the Almighty God, it’s the lack of sin, pain, and death.

    Now how cool is that?!!

  • 06Jan
    Categories: Musings Comments: 3

    I forget sometimes that Joseph had no idea what God had in store for him.  He was in chains.  He was forsaken by his family.  Those who he thought would protect him had turned their backs on him and sold him into slavery.  He had no idea what was going on.  He could have given up.  He could have turned his back on God.  He could have slid into depression and turned inward.  He could have moped and whined.  We live in the moment without a realistic view of the future.

    I could be married several years down the road, I could be an old maid, I could have more kids, I could have less.  God knows my future and He knows my dreams.  I have to let it rest in His hands.  My story isn’t told just yet.  You have to live through the pain and uncertainty before your story can be told.