• 13Feb

    I started to write . . .

    Growth is a normal part of our lives and we accept that when it comes to physical growth.  But I’m starting to notice a reluctance on our part to accept “growth” when we are dealing with spiritual and emotional growth.

    But I fell asleep.

    I started to write . . .

    The house is wonderful.  My dad told me the other day that my electric bill is less than his and I know I’m running the dryer more than they are, have way more appliances and lots more reason to use them, and we are usually home all day where they all have school and jobs (not to mention my house is bigger).  So we did something right there.  Cabin fever is still a problem and since there is so much open space in the downstairs we have quite the echo (makes things quite loud when the kids are running around), but I am constantly reminded of the cramped quarters in WV and am ever so grateful when I can holler, “Enough!!  Everyone to the Basement!!”  Then they can run and scream and fight and romp and all that fun stuff down there and give me a few minutes to catch my breath and see if my ear drums are still in working condition.  Sometimes I send them outside, but that can be exhausting work, too.  Till the last one is dressed and out the door the first ones are coming back in to go to the potty and to warm up.  We had a snowstorm the other day that resulted in schools being cancelled, etc, etc. and I got the kids all dressed and we walked down to Nana’s (two houses down).  Payden (2) went down earlier so I didn’t have to worry about trying to carry him.  I took my big laundry basket and put a plastic bag in it and a rope on the front and then packed the diaper bag and other essentials in there and Caleb.  Benjamin (7) and Josiah (6) pulled a sled that had the two little girls on it and Abigail (5) was big enough to handle it on her own.  The wind was blowing so hard that there were times we could barely see and they were all cold till we got there (except Caleb), but they were good sports.  They slept better that night, too.  Caleb had his bottle and a blanket thrown over his head so we were barely started down the driveway before he fell asleep.  I can see why someone would envy babies.

     

    And I fell asleep  . . .

    Tonight

    I’m just going to sleep.

  • 16Jan

    Had another disturbing phone call the other day.  Just a reminder of my loss and a smack of reality.  It’s easier when I just pretend that it never happened.  Somehow all these kids just appeared out of thin air and my life consists of only the present.  I don’t understand why people wouldn’t want there to be a ‘Creator’ that they can dump all their problems on and just keep going.  Why would you want to carry everything yourself?  If I have to do all the cleaning . . yeah, it gets done to my specifications, but think of all the fun I could be having instead if I let the kids help get the work done (or hire someone =)

     

    Another reality smack occurred when I stood on our front porch and waved goodbye to my boys as they headed off for their ‘first’ day of work.  They are getting older.  They aren’t babies any more, and if I’m smart I’ll learn how to let go before they ask.  Sigh.

  • 05Jan

    I’m having a hard time tearing myself away.  My creative juices have been stirring this past week and tonight Benjamin and I went and picked out the last bit of material needed for his Danny quilt.  My Mommom already put together a whole bunch of patches for us, we just needed the backing and a few pieces to tie the whole thing together and make it big enough.  I don’t know that I would have picked the pieces that Benjamin did, but hey! It’s his quilt.  I think with some arranging and a few appliqué’s thrown in here and there I might be able to make it work.  I want to do something different with the edging too.  I will have to wait till I have it pieced together before I can test my theories on that, though.  I tried my first appliqué tonight.  It was lousy, of course.  I don’t know if I can get the hang of it or not.  I should practice somewhere other than Benjamin’s quilt.  =) 

  • 01Jan

    If someone had even hinted today that their job was more demanding than being a mother I would have laughed myself silly!!

    Someone has said that being a stay-at-home mom isn’t challenging enough.

    That someone hasn’t tried to change three diapers, clean up half a bottle of baby powder while keeping the baby out of it, and put breakfast on the table, all at the same time.

    Someone has said that being a stay-at-home mom isn’t interesting.

    That someone hasn’t mopped up 6 gallons of water off her kitchen floor, mixed in with half a box of cereal, and another half a box of dry milk while trying to explain to her child the differences between his responsibilities and his siblings responsibilities.

    Someone has said that being a stay-at-home mom means you aren’t very smart.

    That someone hasn’t been faced with the many varied learning experiences that children put you through, such as what pull-ups are made out of (run it through the washer . . you’ll find out), whether or not hand lotion is formulated with a cleaning agent (rub it on a wall), how work requires force (self-explanatory I think), etc.  (we didn’t do the hand lotion today.  that was another day.)

    Someone has also said that being a stay-at-home mom wasn’t worth it.

    That someone hasn’t cuddled on the couch with their children, or heard their ‘thank you’s’, or watched them learn how to walk, or listened to them telling someone else how they want to be “just like mommy”, and so on.

    Praise the Lord for nap time when all of us can pause our day and refocus!!  Not to mention clean up!

  • 31Dec

    Other than a few emotional issues . . . Christmas wasn’t too bad.  Two different local churches volunteered to play St. Nick this year allieviating the stress of finding presents (and buying) for all the kids and hiding them, and wrapping them, and keeping the kids out of them, etc . . .

    We got some really neat stuff, and I was pleased with the choices.  Benjamin (7) got a paper recycling kit that we have already tried out.  We took some of the shredded Christmas wrapping paper and turned it into writing paper.  Our process needs a bit of refining, but it’s fun and useable.  Now I know why Dan used to grumble about the environmentalists.  Please!  It’s easier to just plant another tree!  =)

    Josiah(6) got a piano book and a kit to build his own gumball machine, which we promptly filled and started using.  All of the older kids got new boots.  Everyone got gloves and hats.  Mom got them a sled with some of their Christmas money.  Mom and the boys got new flashlights (something of a rarity in this house for some reason).  Abigail (5) got a bunch of movies that she enjoys.  Dassy (4) got a school book or two that she was excited about and so was Mom.  Maranatha (3) found a tag somewhere to chew on and spent a lot of time just watching all the excitement.  She got another baby doll that she and Payden have been fighting over (they both want to put the baby to sleep and change it’s diaper and all that fun stuff).  Payden (2) got a couple of “vroom vroom’s” and a “woof woof” and he was the one that kept cleaning up all the wrapping paper and throwing it out so that we had more room to work.  Caleb (1) slept through most of it, but has since found a few of his toys that are great for chewing on.  We all got some books and games. . .

    But I got the best presents . . .

    After Christmas someone showed up at my door and hands me a box.  “We’re sorry.  This one came late.”  The poor guy, when I saw what it was I cried.  It was the science curriculum from Answers in Genesis that I have been wanting to use.  That one box could potentially take care of my science class for all the kids for the next 8+ years!!  I can hardly wait to get back to school!

    Another good one came from my sister.  They were teasing me about my “Super Mom Days” as I call them.  It’s usually a Monday and I expend tremendous amounts of energy getting tons of things accomplished.  (Usually after a “Super Mom” day we have a Play Day so Mom can recoup.)  So my wonderful sister designed and made a special cape, yellow of course, with a huge SM sewed to the back and a border of fur on the bottom (makes it heavier so that I don’t get sucked into airplanes, vacuum cleaners or other such things–watch The Incredibles if that is confusing to you).  =)  I wore it part of the day Monday and had all kinds of mini-super mom’s following me around.  The girls were all excited about being a “Super Mom” until they realized that meant work, then they ‘flew’ off in another direction.

    But really, the presents weren’t the best part of Christmas . . .

    I was surrounded by family who helped me get through the rough season.  I enjoyed the kid’s excitement.  I loved the Christmas lights.  We had fun making a hundred dozen cookies.   We enjoyed many visits from friends and neighbors. 

    And best of all . . .

    The real reason for the season gave us a reason to hope, a reason to go on, a reason to smile.  We love you, Jesus.  Happy Birthday.

  • 23Dec

    What a day.

    From the highs of getting some social activity this morning with other adults, to the lows of cleaning my kitchen and realizing a new that this holiday is a family holiday and my family is missing (I know, the kids are my family, too), to the calmness of an evening spent relaxing with the kids (strangely, it really was calm–relatively speaking to the rest of you I’m sure), I feel like I’ve run the gamut of emotions today.

    My brother had a Christmas party at his school today and we were invited.  It took a while to get everyone out of the house, but we made it.  Then I did a lot of running around helping set up tables, get the meal ready, etc, but that is what I like to do.  We ate, we played, we talked . . real adult talk!  It was great.

    Then we went home and Dassy (4), Maranatha (3), and Payden (2) all took naps.  Unusual for Dassy, but very much needed today.  Caleb (1) unfortunately, napped on the way home so he didn’t really want to go back to bed.  However, he was in bed for the night by 6!  I hope he’s not up too early tomorrow!

    I tried to get a bit of a nap, but it didn’t work real well.  Sometimes that just makes me grouchier than if I hadn’t bothered at all, but I managed to pull through today.  Instead Depression smacked me full in the face and wrapped itself around my head.  I tried my usual thought process.  “Your tired.  Hormones are acting up. You’ll be fine tomorrow.” 

    “Wahhhhh!  No I won’t!  Nothing will have changed tomorrow.  Dan will still be gone.  I will still be trying to fill in the holes in this impossible situation.  I’m grieving!  For heaven’s sake, Liisa!  Let it out!”

    So I cried.

    And then I went and joined the kids who were sliding down the stairs on a mattress.

    Then with my kitchen clean (a big help in the relaxation factor), Caleb in bed, and some of the kid’s excess energy burned off with the party this morning and the mattress sliding this afternoon, we had a nice “quiet” evening.  The older ones played some card games at the kitchen table, the younger ones colored in the playroom with me while I worked on my latest project.

    So, now I’m exhausted and ready for bed . . .

    Another day in the life of the Ewings.  =)

  • 19Dec

    Now the story is told,

    Of a young man so bold,

    Who went to meet his Father above.

    And of his kids and his spouse,

    Who got a brand new house.

    It’s a special story of Christian love.

     

    It’s been a couple of years since I wrote a Christmas letter, but I’m guessing that most of you know the news anyway.  You have all been so faithful in your prayers and support that I feel that our story is only just starting to unfold.  God has blessed us many times over with the family and friends, and even friends of friends that have surrounded us during this time.  Our story truly is a special story of Christian love.

    Let me recap.  ’01 Dan and I were married.  =)  Maybe that’s going back a little too far.  ’02 Benjamin was born, ’03 Josiah was born, ’04 Abigail, ’05 Hadassah, ’06 Maranatha, and in ’07 Payden was born.  We thought we were done for a while.  We had reached our “goal” of 6 kids in 6 years.  We were ready to settle into the long stretch of family life.  God, as usual, apparently had/has different plans. 

    The beginning of ’08 we found out we were pregnant again.  That wasn’t part of the plan.  We were swamped with bills and didn’t know how to fix the problem.  That wasn’t part of the plan.  We had long ago outgrown our house, but had no way of expanding or building new.  That wasn’t part of the plan.  Then we found out that Dan had a hole in his heart and needed some surgery.  Of course, that had never even been thought of when we discussed our plans.  But the Lord said, “I know the plans I have for you . .“ 

    I firmly believe we were in the right place, at the right time, and the Lord protected us in amazing ways.  He gave us so much!  But He asked so much . . .  The pain is intense some days and I see in my mind a little child who has been hurt.  They cry out in their pain and frustration and Daddy comes to help.  Their arms are reaching out to him, knowing that somehow he can make it all better.  And the trust remains even when he has to cleanse the wound, creating more pain.  We hurt, but we trust that the Lord’s plans for us are greater than our own.

    The kids are all dealing with their grief in their own way.  I am constantly struggling with the challenge of being emotionally available for all of them while maintaining a certain amount of sanity and emotional stability in my own life.  I think the loss of Daddy will affect them more as they get older, but for now I think we are doing o.k.

    We have been able to get a routine of sorts established with the onset of the school year and the wonderful house that you all helped to build (in THREE MONTHS!!).  Having a room set aside for schooling purposes has been a tremendous release of pressure for me, and allows me to set some boundaries, which is a necessity when running a household this large. 

    Caleb Daniel is getting ready to walk (surely it’s not time for that yet!), so more boundaries need set and his training will soon be a more demanding task.  Payden is a cute little cuddlebug with his “Daddy Hair (meaning that it sticks straight up)”.  He likes to sit on my lap and read.  Nice since Caleb is always wanting to be on the go at this point.  Maranatha is working on the potty training thing - still.  I think she would be just fine, but it’s hard to realize you are grown up when you keep getting stuck with the babies.  Hadassah is working on her letter sounds and doing quite well.  She loves to color and I often find her off by herself either coloring or playing with some toy.  Abigail read her first book yesterday and is really enjoying school.  She loves to help Mom in the kitchen and even changed a diaper for me the other day.  Josiah and Benjamin are both doing well in school and I’m tickled with their progress.  Josiah is into dinosaurs and Spider-man.  He loves to jump around and tumble all over the place.  Benjamin loves books and basketball.  If he disappears I can usually find him in the library with a book or out at his makeshift basketball hoop making as many points as he can.

    They have all grown and matured so much in this last year.  I cry when I think of all that Dan is missing, and of the ways we wanted to teach and train our children together.  But I can see that the Lord is ever present and I am trusting that He will do as He promised and be a father to all of my little blessings.  The sacrifice of His Son was SO GREAT on my behalf, how can I doubt Him?

    Thanks again to all of you who have and continue to support us.  I truly believe that your part in our story will have an impact greater than you will ever know. 

    Keep sharing God’s love!!

     

    Mom,

         Benjamin (7), Josiah (6), Abigail (5), Hadassah (4), Maranatha (3),

                Payden (2 in Dec), and Caleb Daniel (1 in Dec)

  • 11Dec

    Downloaded some pics off my camera today and just had to share.  =)

    Mad Pirate

    Mad Pirate

    We had a family pirate/princess party (pirates for the boys and princess’ for the girls) and Caleb (about 11 mo.)  didn’t much care for his gear, but he looked so cute I made him wear it long enough to get a picture.  Good thing looks can’t kill.  =)

    Here’s another one of my little princess(4 years old).  Note how she is just standing there watching her minions fight on her behalf.  =)

    Queen Dassy

    Queen Dassy

     Here’s one from earlier (when it was warmer).  Abigail (5) and Payden (1 1/2) are out playing in the rain.

    Rain Day Fun

    Rain Day Fun

     

    And here is another one with almost all of them plus a couple of cousins.  From left to right:

    Dassy (4), Julie (cousin), Josiah (6), Benjamin (7), Kara (cousin), Abigail (5), Maranatha (3), Kelsey (cousin), and Tyler (cousin)

    VBS

    VBS

    They are all growing so fast.  I can’t believe the difference in the pictures from the beginning of this year to now.  Caleb was just a baby and yesterday he took his first step.  Payden was just learning to walk and now he is into EVERYTHING.  The girl’s hair is getting longer (good! want to get those bangs grown out and out of their faces), and they are all getting bigger.  Before I know it . . . .
  • 24Nov

    I went to bed at 10 pm.  Turned the lights out and everything.  And here I sit (12 am), playing with my computer. 

    I just can’t seem to sleep — my brain is whirling.  A multitude of strange little thoughts keep popping into my head.  I twist and turn and finally give up.  I haven’t been keeping up with my internet contacts . . . maybe I’ll check them out.  I do have work I could be doing . . at midnight?!!

    The holidays are looming.  I don’t know if that has anything to do with it or not.  I’ve had two weekends in a row without kids and I told my boys they aren’t allowed to do that again for at least a month.  I managed just fine while they were gone, but I’m not sure I would be able to handle that again any time soon without succumbing to the depression that keeps knocking at my door. 

    Faced down another tough situation the other day.  Dan would have been proud of me.  He liked to prod me out of my comfort zone and push me to accomplish more.  Well, I’ve definitely been out of my comfort zone, but I miss the loving support (from Dan — I seem to be getting lots of it from friends and family, Thank you Very Much!) that was always there to catch me if I ever needed it.

    Going to try to make some Christmas cookies with the kids tomorrow.  I was trying to get some extra sleep to help prepare myself for the ordeal (pleasant ordeal, but still draining).  I think I’ll go try again.

  • 18Nov

    Another first.

    I got to play tooth fairy tonight.  =)

    Benjamin(7) lost his first tooth this morning and I told him that he needed to put it under his pillow for the tooth fairy.  He just gives me that look that says “Yeah right, Mom.”  I just smiled.  We’ve kind of been playing it up all day and tonight I overheard him say to his brother, “If the tooth fairy doesn’t come I won’t be surprised, but if the tooth fairy does come I will be confused.”  And then followed a strange conversation about things like magic and dragons, swords and dinosaurs, and other things little boys like to imagine.

    Just seeing the direction their thoughts went makes me wary about leading them on.  Not only that, but I don’t like to promote confusion.  God is not the author of confusion.  So my fun at playing tooth fairy (what girl wouldn’t like to be a cute little light-weight fairy like Tinker Bell?) will probably be short lived.

    Never-the-less, the excitement has done at least one thing for me (or at least I hope it has).  It has created a sense of anticipation for all such future occurrences, thereby negating any sense of panic at the loss of baby teeth and hopefully minimizing some of the innate fear of having your teeth pulled.  I’m hoping the dollar he finds under his pillow will also reinforce that for him and his siblings. =)