Remembering Dan

• Heavy Spring

  29Mar
  Categories: Grieving Comments: 4

  I am struggling with a heaviness of spirit today that threatens our peaceful existence. 

  Normally spring time is when my spirits are the brightest.  I love the freshness in the air, the feel of the energy starting to flow through every living thing.  I love to watch the romance blossoming all around me, I love to see the flowers peeking their heads up through the crusty dirt, and I love to feel the adventure in the air.

  But once again spring isn’t what I’ve been expecting.  It’s disconcerting–I didn’t think this would be something that would ever change.  Contrary to popular opinion☺, I seem to be getting older.  I can’t quite pick myself up and move on quite like I  used to.

  Ah, I probably just need to get some sleep and do some more journaling.

  It’s my third spring without Dan, Grandma’s first without Pappy.  Love is in the air in my household (two adopted girls, one dating, the other engaged).  It’s fun to watch and I wouldn’t miss it for anything, but some days it hurts. 

  While my other half has gone away at least the “Son” in my universe is still there for me to orbit around.  I am not without hope and purpose.  Feelings are superficial and can be overcome.  The reality is that I am loved by the Giver of Love and I am on the Great Adventure of following Him.

• Grieving Again

  15Mar
  Categories: Family Updates, Grieving Comments: 8

  My Pappy died on Friday, and we are grieving again.

  It’s different this time.  There are the obvious differences like he was a Grandpa and not a husband.  He wasn’t my provider or support.  He wasn’t the father of my children.  And the list could go on, but I’m talking about something different.  I’m different.

  I hesitate to say that I am comfortable with grieving.  Maybe a better word to use would be “familiar.”  I’m familiar with the process, the pain, the mind numbing ache that fills you, the depression, and the tears.  I know where certain emotions are headed.  I know what I need to look out for.  I know little tricks to get me through difficult situations.  I know what to expect from those that surround me.

  But I am reminded as I watch Grandma grieve, that everyone grieves differently and that no matter how much I know, I still can’t do the grieving for her.  My knowledge and experience almost feels useless.

  And yet in a strange way I feel confident.  If I can make it through losing Dan, then I can make it through this.  I have no doubts that the Lord will once again prove Himself powerful and loving.

  He is faithful,

  He is good.

  In His time,

  All is understood.

   

  I simply trust,

  And hold on tight.

  He will protect,

  All through the night.

   

  I cling to His love,

  And rest in His care.

  He has promised,

  He will always be there.

   

  Jesus, Lover,

  Faithful Friend,

  Provider, Protector,

  On You I depend.