• 28Feb
    Categories: Musings Comments: 1

    You are right.  I should clarify.

    #1. It’s not that God isn’t concerned with our happiness, but rather He has His priorities straight and realizes that if we are holy then happiness will come.

    #2. And maybe I should have used the word joyful.  I am aware that even in the most difficult of circumstances it is possible to have joy in your heart even when happiness is far from our minds.

    Thank you for pointing those out.



  • 23Feb
    Categories: Musings Comments: 2

    Have been learning about priorities a bit this weekend.  Our preacher on Sunday said that so many Christians are trying to be happy Christians.  sounds good.  We want people to look at us and wonder what we have, isn’t ‘happy’ one of the ways of doing that?

    Then he said that God really isn’t concerned with our happiness.  What?!!

    God calls us to be holy, not happy.  If we are following God’s call of holiness then we will be happy by default.

    So if you see a Christian who is not happy . . . If I am not happy . . . Then my priorities must be messed up somewhere.

  • 19Feb

    So, the kids are gone for a long weekend. 

    I have great plans to spend tons of time with the Lord, get some things accomplished, do some grieving, etc.

    By Friday lunch (kids are to leave before supper), I realize that I am quite sick.  What’s that saying about the plans of mice and men?  =(

    I have determined that this will not stop me.  My list of things to accomplish is long, but some of it I can do in bed.  I start with a nice soak in the tub which helps with the muscles sore from sickness and I watch a video about my kids grief at the same time.  Start planning how to share this information with others who help with my children.

    Bedtime by 7, because I can and because I’m not doing much moving.  Hoping and planning on a special breakfast, but we will see.

    Restless night again (been dreaming about Dan and having a hard time sleeping when I’m not).  So I’m up at 1:30 a.m. and decide to do some work, because I can.  Don’t have to get up tomorrow if I don’t want to (or at least not way earlier than I want to because Caleb (2) wants breakfast and will get it himself if I’m not there to intervene). 

    The wind is really strong again and I’m afraid for the safety of my front door.  I really think I need to put in some trees somewhere for a windbreak out there.  Couple problems with that: the expense, don’t want to ruin the view, and digging the holes in the rock I have for a front yard.  Maybe I can come up with some solutions while I’m stuck here in my bed.

    I’d like to grouch and complain, Lord.  I think I could have enjoyed this much better without the aching head, nauseated stomach, and scratchy eyes.  I guess you work better in my weakness, though, huh.  Well, I’m weak.  Do your best!

    I am thankful that I’m not trying to deal with being sick and keeping the children out of trouble at the same time.  I am thankful that it’s not worse.  I could be laid up for an extended period of time.  I could be struggling with health issues on a daily basis.  I could be without help for the children.  Thank you, Lord, for your protection and provision once again.  You are faithful.  Hold me close and help me get the rest I need so that I am once again ready to fight the battles of child rearing.  Refresh my spirit and soften my heart so that I am once again tender to the directions of the Holy Spirit.  Love you!

  • 14Feb

    Thank you all for the encouragement.  I’m still hoping for the chance to get away, but two of my girls got sick this week and this flu bug seems to have a longer recovery time.  I’m holding my breath and hoping that no one else gets it.

    One of the reasons this bothers me (I think) is because I feel a bit guilty for having a nanny.  I know several women who have lots of children (some more than me) and their husband works, so it’s not like he’s home during the day to help.  And he’s tired when he gets home, so it’s not like he can help a whole lot then either.  But me, I have someone working for Me, helping Me with the household work and the kids.  If I still had Dan I would be working for Him, plus the household chores and tending kids.  Why can’t I handle this?

    Then again, why do I feel the need to be supermom?  Why do I feel guilty?  It’s a pressure I think I must put on myself, because I don’t know of anyone who has made any negative comments.  Curious people have asked why I hired a nanny, but no one was being malicious or patronizing.

    If I can just get to the root . . . then I could hack away at the untruths and get some peace about this.

    So, any ideas where to go?  Little cold this time of year for camping.  =)

  • 11Feb

    I don’t know if you realize just how therapeutic writing is for me.  Writing helps me organize my thoughts, come up with solutions to problems, and voice the panic that threatens to overwhelm me.  I haven’t been able to make much time for writing lately and I’m noticing a rising hysteria in my spirit.  Christmas swallowed up a lot of time in December.  The kids were sick, parties, plays, traditions, gifts, all required time.  I don’t think we overdid it, but then again if I didn’t get the quiet time I needed maybe we did.  From there we headed off for a trip to MI to visit the in-laws and had a wonderful time reconnecting with cousins, playing in the snow, and catching up, but once again quiet time was minimal (not surprising with 17 kids around).  Then my nanny headed off to Honduras for some family vacation time for a couple of weeks and we had to survive on our own for a while.  That definitely does not permit free time.  I keep trying to tell myself that I can do this on my own.  I really don’t need all this help.  God will provide.  Then I get two weeks to do it on my own and I’m ready to throw up my hands and say “I give, Lord! No man is an island! You already provided. Please give me my help back!!”

    Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I’m wondering if it’s time for a “sabbatical” of sorts.  Maybe I need to find a quiet place to get away for a couple of days, with no responsibilities, no demands on my time, no pressure to get something done, and reconnect with my Lord, spend hours writing and praying, and revitalize my body and spirit.  I do think I need it.  I’m just not sure how to justify it.  I don’t know of any other mothers who tell their husbands they are disappearing for the weekend to refresh themselves.  Maybe they should?

    I know I’ve talked about doing this before, but I’ve just never convinced myself that I should.  Maybe if I did better at this connecting with my Lord on a daily basis I wouldn’t feel quite the need for such a recharge.  Maybe I’m just over exaggerating.