A note Benjamin (8) wrote last night (ps: his teacher is still working with him on his spelling) :I love you God and i hope you are halping Daddy. and i want you to get us a new Daddy and i dont want hem not to do wath we wated.
Translation:I love you God and I hope you are helping Daddy. And I want you to get us a new Daddy and I don’t want him to do the things we didn’t want him to do (eg. smoke, drink, drugs, beard, fat . . . )
after countless hugs and demonstrations of ‘clingyness’ I pulled him into my lap and asked him what he was looking for, and gave him examples: are you looking for attention, your shoes, a new daddy, a hug . . .
I’m looking for love.
Sigh. I can’t give it to him, or at least not enough.
And I warned him tonight that a new daddy won’t be able to fill that hole either. Only Jesus can fill that hole. It is obvious to us as a family, due to our circumstances, that there is a hole (I believe everyone has a hole, it just might not be as noticeable) and I realize a little bit more each day that we will never be complete until we reach heaven.
Lord Jesus, come quickly.