• 05Aug

    Lest you all believe I was grieving for a cat the whole month of July . . .  =)

    Well, . .Hmmm . . . I would love to tell you what all we did during July and why in the world I was too busy to even look at my computer (I think I got my e-mail once or twice), but I just can’t quite figure out where my time went.

    Maybe I will just blame it all on Judy.  =)  It was GREAT having Judy here to help out during the month of July!  I just have to brag on her a bit.  Having someone staying in the house, who loved kids, who was excellent with them, who meshed with my training ideas, who didn’t mind my strange little quirks, who encouraged me to get out and be myself, who didn’t mind cooking, who helped with potty training, who had WAY more energy than I did, who could sympathize, who had some sound advice, who let me talk, who watched movies with me, who encouraged me to eat ice cream, etc, etc, . . well, what can I say?  It was FABULOUS!!  Thank you ever so much, Judy!  And God!!

    I really hadn’t realized just how much I had gotten bogged down under the weight of my many responsibilities.  This past month I got a bit of a release from pressure that I’m hoping will carry me through another year.   God is good.

  • 05Aug
    Categories: Grieving Comments: 3

    A dramatic title for the death of a cat isn’t it.  Nevertheless, . . .

    We knew the cat was going to die.  He was living at my parents, but moved to our house this last week.  It was probably further away from his brothers and sisters whose exuberance for life was probably a little rough in his weakened condition.  I could hardly bear to watch him as he lay on my porch struggling to breathe.  I wanted Dad to take him out and shoot him and end his misery, the poor thing.  And then last night we found him in the garage on a pile of hats and scarves; Gone.  This morning one of the kids dragged him outside to a spot easily visible from my laundry porch and I could feel the panic start to set in. 

    I want to cry and curl up into a ball.  Fear seems to be the predominant emotion.  I’m afraid to look death in the face.  My heart feels exposed again.  I’m vulnerable and weak.  I’m not afraid to die.  I’m afraid to be the one left alive again.  I’m afraid to be the one who bears the burden of living.  It would be so much easier to die.

    Oh God!  You are not the God of fear.  You are a God who loves me and wants what is best for me.  You will protect and provide.  You cover me with your wings.  You hold me in your arms.  My heart can be this vulnerable and exposed as long as you are a great walled fortress around me keeping me safe from the enemy’s darts.  Your strength is all I need.

    My brother-in-law has removed the cat.  I push the panic at my Savior (vent my emotions on my poor computer), take a deep breath, and smile as I go to help my kids get their desks ready for the new school year.  I’m facing my future one moment at a time.