• 30Aug

    Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. (Pro 13:12)

    My hope has been deferred.

    My heart is sick.

    My Physician can heal and does provide.

    My Rock can be My Desire.

    I need that tree of life, Lord. 

  • 26Aug

    Another quote from Mountains of Spices by Hannah Hurnard:

    In acceptance lieth peace,

    O my heart be still;

    Let thy restless worries cease

    And accept his will.

    Though this test be not thy choice,

    It is his – therefore rejoice.

     

    In his plan there cannot be

    Aught to make thee sad:

    If this is his choice for thee,

    Take it and be glad.

    Make from it some lovely thing

    To the glory of thy King.

     

    Cease from sighs and murmuring,

    Sing his loving grace,

    This thing means thy furthering

    To a wealthy place,

    From thy fears he’ll give release,

    In acceptance lieth peace.

     

    Acceptance, huh; I’m struggling with that.  That is where the peace came from when Dan died, but the new trials that are popping up are slicing right to the heart of my pride and it’s harder to accept them.

    Restless worries” — that says it all.  I am worried about the future of my children and how this will affect them.  But I have to accept that my children make their own choices.  I am responsible for MY choices and actions.

    I disagree that

    there cannot be aught to make thee sad:”

    because so much of this makes Him sad, why shouldn’t it make me sad as well.  It’s not in His perfect plan.

    But I can

    make from it some lovely thing to the glory of  my King.” 

    I can

    “Cease from sighs and murmuring,

    Sing his loving grace”

     

    And I will have to trust that

     

    From my fears he’ll give release,”

     

     

    The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my saviour; thou savest me from violence. (2Sa 22:3)

     

     

     

     

     

  • 19Aug

    I made a list of things that we have been struggling with and working on lately and just thought that maybe it would be a good thing to share with my prayer partners.

    • The kids have been making a list of things they want in a new daddy (no smoking, no drugs, no strong drink just lots of milk and water although I’m guessing kool-aid and tea would be fine too =), not fat, likes to build, plays games, . . . )  So pray for our new “daddy” and my children’s (and my) attitude about whether or not we get a new daddy.
    • Benjamin has been struggling with anger/violence issues.
    • Josiah feels the need to control everything and whines excessively when he can’t.
    • Abigail hides from difficult situations and lacks self-confidence.
    • Hadassah has become adept at manipulation and is very selfish.
    • Maranatha seems to be absorbing all sorts of bad traits and trying them each out in turn.
    • Payden can be quite the little bully and is backsliding on his potty training.
    • Caleb has his father’s temper (not that his mom doesn’t have one =D).
    • And Mom is having some issues with personal discipline/self-control.

    I’m looking for verses to memorize to combat our specific weaknesses.

    Thank you all!!

  • 11Aug
    Categories: Musings Comments: 4

    “Every trial, every test, every difficulty and seemingly wrong experience through which you may have to pass, is only another opportunity granted to you of conquering an evil thing and bringing out of it something to the lasting praise and glory of God.”

    ˜˜Mountain of Spices by Hannah Hurnard

    (1Co 15:55)

     

    O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?

  • 05Aug

    Lest you all believe I was grieving for a cat the whole month of July . . .  =)

    Well, . .Hmmm . . . I would love to tell you what all we did during July and why in the world I was too busy to even look at my computer (I think I got my e-mail once or twice), but I just can’t quite figure out where my time went.

    Maybe I will just blame it all on Judy.  =)  It was GREAT having Judy here to help out during the month of July!  I just have to brag on her a bit.  Having someone staying in the house, who loved kids, who was excellent with them, who meshed with my training ideas, who didn’t mind my strange little quirks, who encouraged me to get out and be myself, who didn’t mind cooking, who helped with potty training, who had WAY more energy than I did, who could sympathize, who had some sound advice, who let me talk, who watched movies with me, who encouraged me to eat ice cream, etc, etc, . . well, what can I say?  It was FABULOUS!!  Thank you ever so much, Judy!  And God!!

    I really hadn’t realized just how much I had gotten bogged down under the weight of my many responsibilities.  This past month I got a bit of a release from pressure that I’m hoping will carry me through another year.   God is good.

  • 05Aug
    Categories: Grieving Comments: 3

    A dramatic title for the death of a cat isn’t it.  Nevertheless, . . .

    We knew the cat was going to die.  He was living at my parents, but moved to our house this last week.  It was probably further away from his brothers and sisters whose exuberance for life was probably a little rough in his weakened condition.  I could hardly bear to watch him as he lay on my porch struggling to breathe.  I wanted Dad to take him out and shoot him and end his misery, the poor thing.  And then last night we found him in the garage on a pile of hats and scarves; Gone.  This morning one of the kids dragged him outside to a spot easily visible from my laundry porch and I could feel the panic start to set in. 

    I want to cry and curl up into a ball.  Fear seems to be the predominant emotion.  I’m afraid to look death in the face.  My heart feels exposed again.  I’m vulnerable and weak.  I’m not afraid to die.  I’m afraid to be the one left alive again.  I’m afraid to be the one who bears the burden of living.  It would be so much easier to die.

    Oh God!  You are not the God of fear.  You are a God who loves me and wants what is best for me.  You will protect and provide.  You cover me with your wings.  You hold me in your arms.  My heart can be this vulnerable and exposed as long as you are a great walled fortress around me keeping me safe from the enemy’s darts.  Your strength is all I need.

    My brother-in-law has removed the cat.  I push the panic at my Savior (vent my emotions on my poor computer), take a deep breath, and smile as I go to help my kids get their desks ready for the new school year.  I’m facing my future one moment at a time.