Had a talk with my Mom the other morning and I think I’ve traced my avoidance back to Memorial Day. Some things happened that day that just make me want to throw up my hands in defeat and go hide in my room. But as much as I want to and as much as I’ve tried (to hide subconsciously), I know it’s not going to work. Things are going to change.
I was in the car by myself the other day thinking about this and got to talking to Dan/God about this. (Funny how the two of them seem to co-exist for me. Hmmm . . but that’s another topic for later.) Dan mentioned something one time about how I avoided responsibility. I remembered that and I laughed.
“I’m doing it again, aren’t I, Dan.”
“You know that’s why our relationship worked so well. I didn’t want the responsibility, so it was easy to ‘submit’.”
“And that’s what’s got me so upset about this Memorial Day thing. I don’t want the responsibility! I want to pass it off to you and then sit back, maybe make a few suggestions as to how to do it right, and then deal with the fallout after the fact. I want you to take care of it and then I don’t have to worry about whether or not I did the right thing. I want you to shoulder the blame so that I don’t have this burden pressing me into the dirt.”
“Yeah, I know. You aren’t here so I HAVE to deal with it. And dealing with it by avoiding it isn’t doing any of us any favors.”
“You can do it, honey. You went to MOPs all by yourself. You gave birth to seven children with hardly any pain medication (he liked gloating about that one). You are a wonderful Mommy. And I didn’t have any complaints about your skills as a wife either. I’ll stand behind you on this one.”
“I suppose that’s as close as I’m going to get on a hug, too, huh?”
“He will never leave you or forsake you. Abba Father. Crawl into His lap, honey.”