• 09Jun
    Categories: Grieving Comments: 9

    I was faced with the question again today,  “Single? Married? Divorced?”

    I had just sat down to fill out some paperwork at the dentist office today and I felt a wave hit me.  “Oh Benjamin (7)” I whispered and sucked in a breath.  He was immersed in a book and didn’t even look up.  I forced myself to focus on the papers before me and was doing alright until I hit that question.  Then the tears let loose.  I could feel them making silent tracks down my face and I was glad that we were the only ones in the waiting room.

    What do I say to a question like that?  No, I’m not divorced, although he did leave me.  How can I make the claim that I’m married when there is no one here to be married to?  And Single!!!  How can anyone be single with seven children?!  It’s just not natural.

    I skipped the question and finished filling out the rest of the form.  Then I sat there and stared at the paper and deliberated. 

    • Defiance reared it’s head and tempted me to just mark “Married”; I could just pretend that he’ll be back someday. 
    • Lately I’ve been feeling just how “Single” I am, but today I just couldn’t quite face that.  Besides, what kind of a woman is single (and not divorced) with seven children?  Makes me sound like a total floozy!! 
    • Finally I just added another category, “Widowed”. 

    They can translate that however they want.

9 Comments to Translate

  • Hi Lisa, yeah for defiance 🙂 You´re not really married, single or divorced, so I think adding your own category for them to decide what they want to do with is good! And why does the dentist need that information anyway?? Hope those moments somehow can help you along in the healing process. Love, Janelle

  • That is exactly what I have done! It is an awful feeling though to have to face that question. I remember filling out paperwork that asked for my husband’s name and such. I put in his name and wrote In Heaven!

    Hugs to Liisa, this is a tough road and there is no intruction manual for these kinds of situations.
    You are married-God promised to be your Husband.
    You are single-because this is how the world views you.
    Divorced? well, you do feel ripped apart from someone you were made one with.

    Yet Widowed carried the best explanation and also gives understand to dentist or medical staff when dealing with you or your children. I have found they are often more understanding and compassionate toward us. And maybe adding our own column will make the makers of the form to realize there is another catergory they need to add.

    I am proud of you, girl.

  • *sigh* Oh, Liisa…
    praying for you and all the little blindsiding moments
    Love to you and the kids! <3

  • Moments like that are difficult –But God! He’s right there to pick you up!!

    And He is the Comforter of the widow!!!! He will walk with you in your journey.

    Blessings, Gram Ewing.

  • I have done the same thing when it comes to children. I have a little girl in Heaven, so when ever I am asked to list my children and put all three and beside Madelise’s name I put in Heaven.