Made it through Father’s Day with hardly a blink, but today we stand up to sing the Doxology in church and I bite my lip. That’s a college memory and anything ‘college’ reminds me of Dan. It’s not difficult to stay calm and I congratulate myself on my control. A few more announcements, the kids sing a special and I grin thinking that Dan would have been chuckling right along with me at our kid’s antics. Then they ask us to take our hymn books and sing “Nothing But the Blood”. So much for my control. The tears are sliding down my cheeks now. I can clearly remember Dan teaching the kids how to sing that song and for some reason that memory hurts today. The sermon hurts too. I’ve been building a wall, putting up defenses to protect myself from pain. I’ve been telling the Lord He’s not good enough and I’ll just protect myself. I’ve been hiding behind my puny little wall and consequently missing out on so much. I’m hardly a shining example of trust and faith at the moment. Why would the world want a God that I can’t trust? I’m sorry, Lord. Do you think you could help me tear down this wall?
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4 Comments to Tearing Down Walls
Ah, He is good at tearing down walls. You pick the right helper. We will pray that you get them all down. Love you all.
I wanted to ask you if you were ok on sunday, then with keeping track of our 11 kids through the lunch line I forgot:( ((Big Hugs))
Hey – I understand about hiding behind walls because we are afraid to trust because of something that has happened. God is trying to teach me to trust Him about a relationship that is just plain hard for me to put in the right perspective. Because I’ve been hurt I want to hide behind this wall and not take the chance of being hurt again because it’s “just easier” Anything to hide from even the chance of someone walking out on me “again.” It isn’t easy, but we all can learn to open up again to everything Jesus wants to bring us – through pain and through all the happy times too. God bless you. You are a shining star to us all just by being you and being real. That gives us all courage to trust and go on.
Oddly enough (or should I say “Godly enough”?) my Bible study last night was all about trusting God.
Here are two paragraphs that stood out to me:
“Sometimes when I am learning to trust God more, if feels like a free fall. I am giving up control. Letting go and trusting feels like falling, because I’ve been trying so desperately to hang on, navigate my circumstances, anticipate the unknown, and find order in the chaos.
For me, trusting is learning to breathe during the fall. Trusting is believing wiht my whole life that God will catch me. He promises to keep His promises. He is able. He is strong. His heart toward me is good. He wants even more for me than I can dream. He is bigger than all of us.”
But the sentence that I found the most encouraging was this one:
“If we begin with a small step of trust, then God rushes in to prove He is faithful. When we have seen His faithfulness, we learn to trust more and respond more quickly to His prompting.”
Psalm 32:10b – “the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the (wo)man who trusts in Him.”
Psalm 84:11b – “He does not withhold good from those who live with integrity.”
Maybe some of these words will mean something to you, and maybe they won’t, but I know that praying will. And I am praying for you!