• 27Jun

    Made it through Father’s Day with hardly a blink, but today we stand up to sing the Doxology in church and I bite my lip.  That’s a college memory and anything ‘college’ reminds me of Dan.  It’s not difficult to stay calm and I congratulate myself on my control.  A few more announcements, the kids sing a special and I grin thinking that Dan would have been chuckling right along with me at our kid’s antics.  Then they ask us to take our hymn books and sing “Nothing But the Blood”.  So much for my control.  The tears are sliding down my cheeks now.  I can clearly remember Dan teaching the kids how to sing that song and for some reason that memory hurts today.  The sermon hurts too.  I’ve been building a wall, putting up defenses to protect myself from pain.  I’ve been telling the Lord He’s not good enough and I’ll just protect myself.  I’ve been hiding behind my puny little wall and consequently missing out on so much.  I’m hardly a shining example of trust and faith at the moment.  Why would the world want a God that I can’t trust?  I’m sorry, Lord.  Do you think you could help me tear down this wall?