I lost my ring (my wedding band) for real this time. The panic was instantaneous and tears threatened. Calm down, trust God, you can’t do anything right at this second so pay attention to the speaker.
As this is the second post on losing rings within a week’s time you may wonder why I don’t just take them off and put them somewhere safe. I wonder that too. I thought I was ready to take them off, but I’m not. I’ve started to wear them on my other hand occasionally (usually fits better) hence my awareness of them.
I retraced my steps in the crowded room and even stopped to ask someone if they had seen a ring. In the bathroom I tried to regain a semblance of calmness and orderliness in my frantic brain and God whispered to me that He was as much in control of this situation as He was when Dan died. Pardon my lack of faith, Lord, but I’m not sure that is very encouraging at this particular moment. The question was whether or not I was going to be able to choose to trust Him again.
What is He trying to tell me? Oh! Does He want me to lose my rings? I know they are temporal, have little value, and how do you pass on two rings to seven children? It’s just an emotional attachment. Do I need to give them up in order to move forward?
O.K. God, I’m going to trust you. That is so hard. The “Why’s?” and “What if’s?” are abundant. Why does it seem harder to trust Him with the little things?
Somewhere in the midst of all that I picture myself rushing back to our hotel to scour the room, look through the sheets, tear apart the bathroom, clean out the van, and open every single pocket of my laptop case. For some reason the laptop is the most vivid picture and I decide that if the ring isn’t in there then I will consider retracing our steps to the hotel.
It is a while before I can leave and get to the van to check out the case and questions are besieging me at every turn. I keep pushing them aside and try to take seriously my attempt to trust God.
Finally, back at the van, I open the case and the second pocket in which I look I find my ring. The tears start to pour. Oh, thank you God!
Have I learned a lesson of trust and faith? Was God testing me? Have I proven that I’m not ready for another relationship? Was God trying to teach me something else? I don’t know what God was doing, but I do know that He was merciful and that He knows what is going on and I can rest in the knowledge that it will be good.