Surrounded by smiles and laughter, family and love, my heart freezes and sinks like a stone as I stop and gaze at my hands. They are empty and bare. I feel again the sharp, desolate pain of my loss and I start to panic. Where are my rings? Did I lose them? Did they fall off somewhere? Will I never find them again?
The pain is welling up inside me and even the realization that the rings are not lost and that they are at home safe and sound isn’t enough to stem the harsh ache that clutches at my heart. I don’t know if I can bear to lose again. But that is future and God has promised to give us the grace. He has proven Himself faithful in that area already. Why should I doubt that He can do it again? I will lose, but I can gain so much more . . .
Oh God! I miss him so much! I can see again the aching hole. I realize anew how my other half has been ripped away and I sink to my knees in anguish.
You are my strength when I am weak,
You are the treasure that I seek,
You are my all in all.
When I fall down you pick me up,
When I am dry you fill my cup,
You are my all in all.
I am so weak, Lord. Please be my strength. Pick me up and hold me till I can’t cry any more. And when I am dry, fill my cup to full and overflowing with your joy and love so that I can proclaim that “You are my all in all” to those around me.
You have promised that Your mercies are new every morning. And if “joy comes in the morning” then I’m going to bed so that I can move on to happier times.
