• 07Mar

    Last night danger came to my home.  Subtle and quiet, friendly yet deceptive, . . it slipped it’s way past my radar and touched my children.  I find myself quite upset about it; there is turmoil, heaviness of spirit, grief, pain, fear.  This affects so much more than just me and my children.  My reaction is vital and will have long range, long lasting effects.

    I can let this deal a powerful blow to my self-esteem.  I missed it.  I must not have been paying enough attention.  I should have seen it coming.  I ignored the warning signs.  Why were other things so important that they distracted me from my children’s well being?

    But that let’s God out of the picture.  I’m human. I can only do so much.  I cannot live in fear of the unknown.  And if it’s unknown I can’t do anything about it anyway.  Thinking that I should have noticed puts unrealistic expectations on myself.  God can handle it.

    I could blame someone else.  What was he thinking?  It’s all her fault.  Where were they when I needed them?  Why didn’t someone else notice?

    But if I follow that way of thinking then I won’t be able to trust anyone.  I’m human.  I make mistakes.  I have to allow for that in other people, too.

    I coul hide from possible future reoccurences (extreme hiding).

    But I doubt that will really be effective, it shows a decided lack of trust in God, and in the end my kids will hate me for it.

    I could go crazy worrying about everything a mother could possibly worry about for their kids and do my best to protect them from anything and everything that could harm them.

    But I don’t cotton to that philosophy.  Besides, I’m not built that way.  That would wear me out in about three hours and if I’m so totally worried I wouldn’t be able to sleep and I would probably have a nervous breakdown that would put me in the hospital by the end of the week.  Worry is another demonstration of a lack of trust in a perfect God.  What makes me think I can do it better?  And I doubt my kids would like this reaction either.

    My conclusion?  Well, . . I have to trust God.  He saw it.  He knows everything.  He can use it in our lives to make us better, . . if we let Him.  Yeah, “Mother Bear Instinct” wants to protect my kids, but they need to learn HOW to deal with situations, and how to react to the good and the bad, rather than just how to avoid or overlook the problems.

    I also need to forgive.  Not the forgetful kind of forgiveness because I need to be reminded occasionally so that I stay alert and aware of the danger, but the kind of forgiveness that frees me from bitterness and the responsibility of punishment.

    My children are watching.  Their innocence means that they will be looking to me (and others) to see how they should react.  Is this something to fear; something to pass off, something to hide, something to share . . ?

    Is my God big enough?  Do I trust Him enough?  He has promised never to leave us or forsake us.