I visited the pages of some friends to get some inspiration for this blog, but find I am still a bit in the dark about what to write. I don’t have to write, but my last blog got some of my faithful prayer warriors a bit worried and I just need to let them know that I’m o.k.
I am o.k. I had an extremely grouchy day piled high with the emotions of a holiday without Dan and without the shock that helped to numb everything during the last holiday season. It was a rough day although my mom seems to think I hid it well. But after venting a bit on my blog I was able to sleep and woke quite refreshed and cheerful.
I got a little quieter when we pulled out the Christmas decorations and lights and put up a tree for the kids (they decorated and I’m trying hard to let it alone . . . =). But then Sunday night we turned all the lights off, turned the Christmas lights on, turned the music up, and bounced and danced around all over the playroom and made quite the ruckus (not to mention quite the mess). In the midst of all the fun a song came on that said “I could have missed the pain, but I would have missed the dance.” And I found myself strangely grateful for my situation. I could have missed the pain of losing Dan, but then I would have missed the joy of knowing Dan, not to mention the joy of ALL SEVEN of my children. I hope that somehow I can convey to them their importance in the grand scheme of things.
It hurts, but I have no regrets.