• 24Aug

    I have bad memories, too.  I have one picture of Dan, Benjamin, and I that I have a hard time looking at.  I don’t even really remember all the details other than that I know we were fighting and grouching at each other right up until the picture was taken.

    I remember the both of us getting frustrated with each other, as I was pregnant with Benjamin (7) and walking made me feel sea sick, and he was swamped with schoolwork, job, and the responsibilities of a new and growing family.

    I remember the first time we had a major fight and he made me cry.  And another major fight where I again ended up in tears only this time the only way I could get them to stop was with a hug from Dan.

    =) It’s easier to remember the major fights when we only had about one a  year.  =) 

    For the most part I look back on our disagreements and smile.  What’s a relationship with out fights anyway?  If  you don’t fight, then you don’t get to make up.  If you don’t love enough to fight, then you don’t love enough.  Most people fight to protect their vulnerabilities.  If you aren’t vulnerable to your spouse, then he doesn’t know enough about you, and from my point of view I think you are missing something- a LOT of something.  Of course, there are rules to fighting fair . . .

    Anyway, I try to remind myself occasionally that Dan wasn’t perfect.  Looking at my past life and refusing to see the flaws only makes it more difficult to face the future.  I must face the future.  I have a cloud of witnesses pushing me forward, children looking up to me, and the world waiting breathlessly to see if I will stumble. 

    Jesus,

    You are my strength when I am weak.

    You are the treasure that I seek.

    You are my all in all.

    When I fall down you pick me up.

    When I am dry you fill my cup.

    You are my all in all.

     

2 Comments to Bad Memories

  • Dear Liisa,
    Just read your “memories” letter. Please take your problem to the Lord, ask Him for forgiveness as is needed, and pray for grace to face each new challenge as it comes to you. Nor easy, but needed. Love you, Gram E.