I hang up the phone. It hurts to remember and a wail is torn from my throat as I realize anew that I am/was helpless to protect the one I love. There was so much we didn’t know . . .
I remember the peace we felt going in to the surgery, I see the way God hid bits and pieces of information from us, I marvel at the many choices that got us to that point, and I wonder, “and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this? Esther 4:14” Somehow I must hang on tight to God’s sovereignty and trust His love for me.
(Excerpts from Psalm 102)
Hear my prayer, O Lord, and let my cry come unto thee.
Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble; incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I call answer me speedily.
For my days are consumed like smoke, and my bones are burned as an hearth.
My heart is smitten, and withered like grass; so that I forget to eat my bread.
By reason of the voice of my groaning my bones cleave to my skin.
My days are like a shadow that declineth; and I am withered like grass.
But thou, O Lord, shalt endure for ever; and thy remembrance unto all generations.
He will regard the prayer of the destitute, and not despise their prayer.
This shall be written for the generation to come: and the people which shall be created shall praise the Lord.