June 22
I cringe at the thought of “finding myself” again. I don’t like the terminology. It makes it sound like I was lost. I wasn’t lost. I had/have a very strong sense of who I was/am as a person. Being married to Dan didn’t make me any less Liisa, despite what others may think. I guess the correct terminology would be that I am “re-evaluating my role”. I’m no longer just wife and mother. Now I am called upon to play the role of father and mother and still try to teach my kids about being a wife and/or a husband, too. (It would be easier to just show them.) That’s depressing.
I do feel like I’ve lost a part of myself somewhere, though. Living this close to my parents, in a house that Dan has never been in, going to the same church I grew up in, and visiting with friends I knew in school . . . in some ways I feel like I’ve reverted. Don’t get me wrong, I liked who I was as a young adult, but being married brought a fullness to my life that I didn’t have as a single adult. I miss that.
2 Responses
June 27th, 2009 at 10:32 am
I cannot say that I understand…but I think….I would feel the same way. You have lost part of who you “were”…for you were/are one with Dan…that’s what marriage makes you…one. Part of the core of your being was ripped away and taken to heaven. That is very real. There is a wound, a void there….that was Dan. God bless you my friend…I pray He would help you “find” yourself amidst the pain and sorrow.
Love and prayers
Amy
June 27th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
I hope that He will help you find yourself and another that you may again enjoy of the role of wife.
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