• 10May
    Categories: Grieving Comments: 3

    Who would have thought that Mother’s Day would have hit me so hard.  Maybe because Dan is the reason I am a mother?  For the most part I have been able to stay upbeat and positive (like normal), but ever since the stuff from West Virginia arrived it feels like the emotions have been building until I feel like something has to let loose before I burst.

    Someone asked me today how long Dan and I were married.  The answer sounded so . . . unsatisfactory.  I wanted to say 30, 50, 120 years.  Anything! Rather than voice the reality of how little time I had with my Danny. 

    It will be 8 years this Tuesday.  For some of you I would imagine you are saying, “oh pfffff! She barely even knew him.  She’s so young, she will recover quickly.”  And my rational mind (the tiny part that’s not clouded with pain) says you are probably right, but that brings a new pain in and of itself.

    I watch couples who have been married for years and I find myself struggling with the tenth commandment and wondering if there is a make-up out there that will cover up the green that I am sure I must be displaying (green with envy).  This summer my sister-in-laws will have been married longer than I have (we all got married the same summer), and next year my Youngest! sister will pass me.  How do I attain the status of “mature married woman” this way?

    We heard a statistic shortly before we were married . . . something about most marriages (at that time) lasted an average of seven years.  We laughed, so sure we were going to be different, and said that when we hit seven years we would have to re-evaluate.  I wanted to be different!  I wanted to show the world it could be done and that we could be happy together forever.  Now I’m just another nameless, faceless, part of that statistic.

3 Comments to Mother’s Day

  • Dear Liisa,
    I have to contradict you on some things (mother-in-law’s privilege!) – you are not nameless, first of all. You have the name your parents gave you as they loved you and welcomed you into this world, the name that Danny gave you as he loved you and made you his wife, and most importantly of all, God has called you by name and set His love on you. (Isa. 43:1-4) You are precious in His sight. None of these things will ever change.

    And you are not faceless. You still have the face loved by your parents, your husband, your children, and even your mother-in-law! The statistic you quote does not apply to you because you and Danny did not choose to be parted. Although there is no marriage in heaven, there is certainly friendship, and although your best friend (humanly speaking) has gone before you, he is definitely looking forward to seeing you again and spending eternity with you as you worship the Lord together.

    God makes no mistakes – therefore He has a plan in mind for you that does not include “mature married woman” in the way you thought it would, but it will still be the very best plan in the world for you. You and I do not understand that plan at the moment, but because of who God is, you can know that it is a good and beautiful plan. So keep trusting and never doubt the goodness and power of your God!
    Love and prayers!

  • Well, I am with Janet! You have a name we have come to love and it is special because no one else we know spells it the way you do. So you are not nameless, and the photos we have of you and your family now and in the past few years reminds us that you are not faceless, AND the statistic, Well, Janet is right you are not part of that as you and Danny loved each other and the statistic people don’t.

    So, Sweet Liisa, remember your name and your face and know that you are loved as our Liisa, with the sweet face that loved our Danny.

    Yup! you are ours and we love you now and plan to for always. So mind that as the older generation are known to say.

  • Dear Liisa,

    I can only hope that when I get to my seventh year of marriage, that I am still so in love with Dale, the same way that you are with Dan. Regardless, of the fact that he is no longer with us (YOU) here on Earth, you make me want to make the VERY most of my marriage.

    There are times, that I am so jeleous of the marriage and life that you and Dan portray….happiness, love, and joy….sometimes, in the most desperate situations. I still remember the email when Dan was to go into the hospital…you were both so sure it would all work out. My first thought was “what if something happens”. THAT is where you and are so different.

    You have COMPLETE FAITH that the LORD WILL take the “wheel”. When Dale was just about killed last summer, the first words out of my mouth, were not…”Lord, thank you for sparing him”, but, WHY DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN”?……I have much to learn, and I feel that you might be able to help me. In my faith, the way I teach my children, and the way that I deal with my husband on a day to day basis…….You are NOT nameless, faceless, or FORGOTTEN…..I think of you everyday, when I wonder how much more, I can handle…..then I know…..MORE, MORE, MORE….just like I see you do, everyday.

    Love you much, and think of you daily….Praying for the slow and gentle healing of your tender heart !!

    Michelle Kotyk
    and Family