• 24Apr
    Categories: Grieving Comments: 2

    4-22-09

    I have to admit it.  I am depressed.  Lack of sleep gets me every time.  In the midst of my depression I find myself grouching at the Lord.  “I don’t want the job of giving You the glory.  I’m tired of being an example of Your grace.  Did You even ask me if I wanted to glorify You?  If You want Your glory to shine through this measly little human, well, then you are going to have to take over her body today.  I don’t want to help.  I don’t want to fight sins battles today.  I don’t want to do anything, I just want to go back to bed, cover my head and pretend that the world doesn’t exist.

    I think He must have taken over, because I did get up, I did take care of my kids, I did face the world although I did protest a bit.  He really can be very pushy. 

    Looking at these words I muse . . . “Looks like pride is attacking again.  What makes me think that He needs my help?” 

    And the real problem emerges.  I am trying to do it on my own again.  He didn’t ask for my help, He wants to do it through me, not by me.  Sorry Lord, let’s try this again.

2 Comments to I Don’t Want To, But Then, I Don’t Have To

  • Dear Liisa,
    Thank you for being so frank and honest about how you feel.
    Yes, God understands and He is able to lift your spirits a little higher.
    One day at a time, sweet Jesus, is all I’m asking of you,
    Help me today….Show me the way
    one day at a time.

    Blessings, Gramma Ewing.