I am so incredibly grouchy and emotionally sensitive today that I am almost afraid to write for fear of what will come out, but as a little mouse put it, “my public needs me.” It is probably more likely that I need my public’s prayers. The emotional strain must be starting to take it’s toll.
Sunday night I played a piece for special music that was very difficult to play.
Monday I took the kids to Wal-Mart to get family photos and a three month picture of Caleb. We used Dan’s jacket and hat as props.
I cried again.
Today I was already on edge and then I decided to go pick up a couple of groceries. Maranatha (2) was quite tired and whined the whole way through the store, they all wanted to drive the cart, small aisles, small cart (only holds baby and one more and barely any groceries), too many kids and then to top it all off, Dassy (3) STEALS a lollipop from the store and tries to walk out the door!!
I did the only safe thing I could think of . . you guessed it . .
I did manage to hold it in till after Dassy got a partial scolding (we will finish that conversation later when Mom is a bit more rational and less inclined to do something drastic), and we were on our way home.
Unfortunately, not once during those crying sessions have I felt comfortable just letting it all out. So the emotions are still there boiling away, just waiting for me to lift the lid. And it all just hurts so bad that I just keep putting the cork in the volcano and hoping that someone will turn off the heat so that I can deal with things when I am a little cooler.