• 21Apr

    I am so incredibly grouchy and emotionally sensitive today that I am almost afraid to write for fear of what will come out, but as a little mouse put it, “my public needs me.”  It is probably more likely that I need my public’s prayers.  The emotional strain must be starting to take it’s toll. 

    Sunday night I played a piece for special music that was very difficult to play. 

    I cried. 

    Monday I took the kids to Wal-Mart to get family photos and a three month picture of Caleb.  We used Dan’s jacket and hat as props. 

    I cried again. 

    Today I was already on edge and then I decided to go pick up a couple of groceries.  Maranatha (2) was quite tired and whined the whole way through the store, they all wanted to drive the cart, small aisles, small cart (only holds baby and one more and barely any groceries), too many kids and then to top it all off, Dassy (3) STEALS a lollipop from the store and tries to walk out the door!! 

    I did the only safe thing I could think of . . you guessed it . .

    I cried. 

    I did manage to hold it in till after Dassy got a partial scolding (we will finish that conversation later when Mom is a bit more rational and less inclined to do something drastic), and we were on our way home.

    Unfortunately, not once during those crying sessions have I felt comfortable just letting it all out.  So the emotions are still there boiling away, just waiting for me to lift the lid.  And it all just hurts so bad that I just keep putting the cork in the volcano and hoping that someone will turn off the heat so that I can deal with things when I am a little cooler.

7 Comments to Grouchy Volcano

  • Not to worry, after the lesson on not stealing you don’t need to worry about having a hardened criminal. I think at some point most kids try it just to see if it works. For some it may just be that cookie that they were told not to touch but the lesson none the less is the same. I remember the panic I felt when I realized my, then 4 year old, had done a similar thing. After him having to go and say sorry at the store and pay for the treat and having of course a long lecture, that I am sure he never remembered the details of, he never did that again. And now he is an upstanding citizen and I am ever so proud he is mine. So let the tears out and all will seem so much better in the end. Love you

  • Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. I hope you get to that cool off point soon. That is frustrating when you have to hold out for longer before your peace returns. Go find a big empty field where no one can see or hear you and just scream as loud as you want. I won’t tell. I feel like doing that at this time of year when it gets so busy crazy with my work and Joe’s seminary work load and all of the extra things so you just feel constantly tired. So you must need to scream much more than I do. Have at it. Well, maybe not. Praying for you.

  • Dear Liisa,
    “But we have this treasure (the glorious light of the gospel) in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. . .All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may caue thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away; yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is useen is eternal.” II Corinthians 4:7-10, 15-18

    I do not minimize your pain – I ache for you – but compared to the eternal glory to come, it is just momentary. Remember, nothing “will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” These clay pots that we are show the light of Christ all the better the more broken that we are. Let the light shine through! I continue to pray for you and the children every day. Lots of love to all of you from another cracked pot!

  • Oh, Father, I ask that You give Liisa some time in this day to grieve. That You would give her the strength to open that lid and that You would give her the courage to be and to feel and that You would then give her the comfort of Your Spirit. Because of Jesus, and in His name. Amen.

  • I appreciated your comment “my public needs me.” . I look forward to readcing all that you write. It keeps my prayer list at work updated as specific needs are noted. You know, you really do have it correct, to wait until one’s emotions are back ‘to normal’. My prayer is that what you share with Dassy will bring glory to our Lord, and that Dassy will learn from this mistake. Praise the Lord that you realized what had happened so that you can make this a time of explaining not only how disappointed you are, but that God is also. IHN