• 21Apr
    Categories: Grieving Comments: 7

    Here are the words to the medley that I played for special music on Sunday night.


    Jesus loves me, This I know.
    Does Jesus care when my heart is pained
    Too deeply for mirth and song;
    As the burdens press, and the cares distress,
    And the way grows weary and long?
    Does Jesus care when my way is dark
    With a nameless dread and fear?
    As the daylight fades into deep night shades,
    DOES HE CARE enough to be near?
    Jesus loves me, this I know
    For the Bible tells me so.
    Does Jesus care when I’ve tried and failed
    To resist some temptation strong;
    When for my deep grief I find no relief,
    Though my tears flow all the night long?

    Jesus loves me, this I know
    For the Bible tells me so.
    Little ones to Him belong
    They are weak
    Yes, they are weak
    but HE is strong
    Does Jesus care when I’ve said “good-by”
    To the dearest on earth to me,
    And my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks
    IS it aught to Him, DOES HE SEE?
    When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
    When sorrows like sea billows roll;
    WHATEVER my lot,
    Thou hast taught me to say
    It is well
    With my soul
    He CARES
    I KNOW He cares,
    His heart is touched with my grief;
    When the days are weary,
    The long nights dreary,
    I know my Savior cares.
    Yes, Jesus loves me
    The Bible tells me so.
    They are weak
    BUT, HE is strong.

  • 21Apr

    I am so incredibly grouchy and emotionally sensitive today that I am almost afraid to write for fear of what will come out, but as a little mouse put it, “my public needs me.”  It is probably more likely that I need my public’s prayers.  The emotional strain must be starting to take it’s toll. 

    Sunday night I played a piece for special music that was very difficult to play. 

    I cried. 

    Monday I took the kids to Wal-Mart to get family photos and a three month picture of Caleb.  We used Dan’s jacket and hat as props. 

    I cried again. 

    Today I was already on edge and then I decided to go pick up a couple of groceries.  Maranatha (2) was quite tired and whined the whole way through the store, they all wanted to drive the cart, small aisles, small cart (only holds baby and one more and barely any groceries), too many kids and then to top it all off, Dassy (3) STEALS a lollipop from the store and tries to walk out the door!! 

    I did the only safe thing I could think of . . you guessed it . .

    I cried. 

    I did manage to hold it in till after Dassy got a partial scolding (we will finish that conversation later when Mom is a bit more rational and less inclined to do something drastic), and we were on our way home.

    Unfortunately, not once during those crying sessions have I felt comfortable just letting it all out.  So the emotions are still there boiling away, just waiting for me to lift the lid.  And it all just hurts so bad that I just keep putting the cork in the volcano and hoping that someone will turn off the heat so that I can deal with things when I am a little cooler.