My day was going smoothly. The kids were sick, but it was still a fairly quiet, routine day. Someone had volunteered to watch Payden for the afternoon, so my little ball of action and trouble was someone else’s to keep track of. That made things a lot easier to handle at home. Everything was calm until I found myself at the front door . . . again. “I’ve been wandering here a lot lately” I think, “What am I looking for?” Then it hit me. I was waiting . . waiting for someone to walk through that door . . waiting for someone to say “Hi Honey, I’m home.” . . waiting for someone to sneak up behind me and give me a hug. How can I still be waiting after all this time?
The hole is so big, Lord! The loss is so great! Where do I find the courage day after day to face my children with the knowledge that I can no longer provide them with the other half , . . the other half of me . . . the other half of our family . . the other half of their life?