Music is something else that sets me off. I find that any mention of Heaven lately seems to trigger a waterfall of tears and setting that mention of Heaven to music tends to make that waterfall bigger than the Niagra. That is probably partly what makes church so difficult.
The piano is another outlet of intense emotion for me. I can remember playing fast and furious pieces in high school as I delt with handling anger, the rush of youth, and the many major decisions of young adulthood. College, my music tended to be a bit more searching as I tried to find my way and slowly discovered myself and branched out in my relationship with the Lord. Marriage and children brought light hearted songs and choruses (when I got the chance to play). Now? Well, I’ve been working on a piece that combines several songs conveying some of the emotions that I’ve been dealing with these last couple of months (sigh. Has it really been months?). It, too, seems to be searching, mourning, crying out to God to notice and care, with a bit of triumph sounding through as I realize again and again that Jesus Does Care and He does Love Me.
I played at Dan’s funeral sort of spontaneously, partly in defiance of not being able to sing through my grief, and partly because music calls to me. I played “It Is Well With My Soul” defying the desire to succumb to the pain and give up hope. By God’s grace I hope to never stop playing that song.
Thank you, Lord, for music – the emotion of the soul.