It hurts to talk to you, Lord. In some ways I guess I expected you to protect me from this. Logically and theoretically I know that isn’t always possible, but it still hurts. I know what I’ve learned all my life about your goodness, about you working in mysterious ways, about your omniscience and how you can see the big picture, etc, but now we find out if I really believe all that. Am I just mouthing what I’ve learned? Am I willing to put what I’ve learned into action? Is this heart felt or is it all head knowledge? Am I lying when I say I trust you? Am I just setting myself up for a big fall?
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5 Comments to Ouch, Lord
Liisa, hang on tight to God and His promises. This is a hard time. I remember being in a situation much the same emotionally – where my heart felt like it couldn’t take any more pain and I just could not trust God any more. But His grace is always full and there when we need it. Read Psalms 23 phrase by phrase and remember what a wonderful shepherd we have in good times and bad. You are so precious in His sight, and He is caring you in His arms.
Liisa,
I’ve read this post many times. I think sometimes in what we’ve been taught…we “feel” like….if we are hurting, or saddened, or feel pained by what has taken place in our lives….we equate that to “not trusting God”. You hurt, because you are made in the image of the Almighty God.
You cry, because you are made in the image of the Almighty God.
You feel pain, because you are made in the image of the Almighty God. It is not your lack of trusting God that is causing you to feel these emotions…it is the way the Almighty God created you to deal with tragic grief. Can you imagine what this would be like for you if there was no outlet? No weeping, no lamenting, no outpouring of your soul in anguish…God made you. You are His amazing creation emotionally. I love you friend.
Spot on Amy! Liisa, you were made in the image of God and you were not made for death. It hurts because you were not made for it. You are overwhelmed because you weren’t designed to handle this. You will make it because God’s strength is made perfect in your weakness. He will do it. It is His work to complete, and He is Faithful.
Liisa, A friend of mine went through chemo a year ago. She has a blog and she posts regularly. Like you, she opens up about her pain and her fear and her struggles and her doubt and her love for her Saviour. There is one post that I want to recommend to you. It is called “Tunnels Revisited.” (this is a repost of the orginial posting). Her website is springofjoy.org
This IS real trust. Trust isn’t necessarily happiness…although in a way it is. It’s not a feeling of … oh dear, I don’t know what it is! But it’s like determination. Jeremy and I are going through some drastic things right now in our lives, and I am learning to grab tight with fierce-ness to God’s WORD – not to my feelings or circumstances – and to say sometimes with growliness “I WILL trust You. I WILL love You. I WILL live joyfully.”
That sounds so contradictory. But trust is a choice. Not a feeling of happiness and peace.
This probably made no sense at all. I’m struggling to put flying thoughts into rational words. I love you like CRAZY, Liisa, and we are praying every day for you guys.