• 22Jan

    Maranatha is sort of potty training herself.  Not a bad thing since I hate potty training. 

    The other day I asked her if she needed to go potty.

    Yep.  So off we went.

    She sat down, paused for a few seconds and then was off.

    Me:  “No, ‘Natha, you have to wait for a few minutes.”

    Maranatha:  “Oh.  O.K. ”

    Maranatha:  “It’s stuck, Mommy.”

    Me:  “Uh huh.”

    Maranatha:  “It’s stuck.  Maybe t’mowow (tomorrow).”

    What could I say?  I laughed and laughed.  I wish I could have told Dan.  He would have laughed too.

  • 22Jan

    For those of you who commented on my post about “colors,” I do have to inform you that this is not a new idea.  I think we started that back when Josiah (my second) was born.  I also thought that Joanne’s comments about each of the kids relating to their colors was actually pretty acurate.

    Benjamin is my helper.  He’s the leader, the boss, the one who always wins the games “because he’s the oldest” (that’s what the kids tell me).  But he’s also sort of laid back, cool, calm, gentle, and usually collected.

    Josiah is tender hearted.  He is usually quite willing to take care of his sisters and helps to protect them.  It is not at all uncommon to see him leading one of them around by the hand.  The other day I saw him chasing off a dog (a friendly dog) that was overwhelming one of the girls.  Not real big on new things.  He likes his routine and needs security.

    Abigail is a tough little cookie and even more ditzy than her mother, if that’s possible.  She’s the daughter that runs into walls (something her mother does on occasion, too) because she’s not paying attention to where she’s going.  Makes me laugh just thinking about it.  She likes to play with the boys usually . . a bit of a tomboy. . .  and she likes to help Mom in the kitchen.

    Dassy is the princess.  That has become very noticeable here lately.  We started asking her to pick up her toys and she would just give us this look like “Why?  I have minions to do that menial task for me!”  She was probably the baby for the longest and all the older ones just doted on her for some reason.  She is also tiny, making her seem a bit more frail.  She likes to play by herself, too, adding to the “royalty” feel of things.  Giving her the name of a queen and bestowing on her the color of royalty was an accident, but Wow! does it fit.

    Maranatha is my sunshine.  She is entering her terrible two stage and has started saying “No” to mom, and acting a bit rebellious, but normally she loves to help, loves to laugh and smile, and is usually compliant. 

    Payden is the reason I’m still going.  He has the cutest grin and he knows how to use it too.  He is climbing everything, hunting trouble all the time, likes lots of hugs, and looks absolutely adorable with his spiky hair.  He’s quite stubborn about what he wants and will howl up a storm when someone tells him “No.”  As soon as he wakes up he’s on the move.

    They are all special gifts from God and I love each and every one of them.

  • 22Jan

    We were driving to NY for a wedding.  We were running late, the kids needed another potty break, we forgot the map, . . things were getting a little tense.  I don’t remember exactly what prompted it, but in a burst of irritation Dan picked up his brand new day planner and tossed it at me.  My window was open and we were both quite startled to see the day planner fly right by me and out the window.  I sat there silent for a minute and then just giggled.  It was so funny to see that thing fly right by me.  It took a few minutes for Dan to see the humor in the situation and by then I had pretty much dissolved into laughter.  The look on his face was priceless and I couldn’t stop imagining the look on the truck driver’s face that was coming up beside us.  I could just see him calling home and telling his wife about this day planner just flying right out the window of the van in front of him.  We figured that it would be one of those memories that we would bring up 20 years down the road and laugh ourselves silly.  It still makes me giggle to think about it.  You probably had to be there . . .


    For those that knew Dan you are quite familiar with the fact that he loved to talk.  His mind worked a million miles a minute and all that stuff going through his brain had to come out somewhere.  Talking was the way he thought.  One of the best ways for him to work a kink out of a problem was to talk the thing to death.  That often got me in trouble because I wasn’t always real good at discerning when he was thinking out loud vs. when he was actually conveying something important that I needed to hear.  It wasn’t so much that I was ignoring him as it was my brain wasn’t capable of keeping up with his and therefore I had to pick what it was actually going to assimilate and process.

    Anyway, all that to tell you about my favorite memory of Dan.  He was talking.  lol

    It was in college and we were getting pretty serious about each other.  I don’t remember if we were actually dating at the time or not.  I had a nice suit jacket that looked very professional but I never wore it.  My roommate noticed this and finally asked if she could try it.  Not a problem.  She looked good in it, and I thought, hmmmm . . . I’d like to look that good.  So, one Sunday I decided to give it a try.  I had a nice, short, straight skirt that went well with the top and apparently Dan really liked the combination.  =)

    He was outside talking to his cousin while waiting for me after Sunday School.  I walked out of the building and I could just see the “appreciation” written all over his face.  He never stopped talking, but I know he had absolutely no idea what he was saying any more.  It’s a moment that I will remember for a lifetime.  

  • 22Jan

    Why is Heaven so great? . . Yeah I’ll probably see Dan again, but he won’t be greeting me like some lost lover.  He has a new love.  There is no such thing as marriage in heaven, other than to Jesus.  He’s got better things to do than watch me.  He’s not worried about me.  He just talks to God about the big picture that I can’t see.  He doesn’t cry for my pain.  He knows how this will mold me and shape me to make me better.  There are no tears in heaven.  He’s got his mansion and has left me is this falling apart old world.  I thought he was going to provide for me, care for me, support me, protect me . . . and here I am, open and vulnerable, lost and alone.  With no one but you, Lord.  I know, that should be sufficient, but why doesn’t it feel like it’s enough?

  • 22Jan

    I want to ask why, but I know the answers . . so asking is pointless. 

    Why did you take him? 

         “My ways are not your ways.” 

    Why did you leave me here alone?

         “I have a plan for you and a purpose.” 

    Why must I endure this pain? 

         “It’s a sin cursed world.” 


    Can You fix this hole, Lord?