• 30Nov
    Categories: Single Parenting Comments Off on Sleeping while children play

    [copied from the Caring Bridge site]

    Tired again. Guess I should get used to it. I keep thinking it will be nice to get rid of this ball on the front of me and to get to the point where I can sleep normally, but then I guess we will have the issue of whether or not the baby wants to sleep. I did get a bit of a nap this afternoon. I vaguely remember Abigail and Josiah coming in to my room and taking Payden downstairs (his nap didn’t coinside with everyone else’s so he was just roaming around on the floor while I napped on the bed). When I did get up, I found out that almost all of them were up, the living room was a mess, there was some liquid (probably bottle) all over and around Payden-luckily he was confined to the bouncer chair thing we have-, and Grandma had just finished grouching at them for having ripped up one of her favorite magazines. Ooops Mommy. Oh well, I got some sleep.

    If I don’t get enough sleep then depression sets in and it’s a bit harder to operate through out the day, but God is still helping. Family shows up, I get a phone call, the mail is a great pick me up here lately (I’m not getting any bills-rather I’m getting all kinds of cards, letters, and notes of encouragement that help to keep me going) and the kids love to help open everything. Their favorite thing is to rip it open and see if we got any “dollars” . . something they figured out this past year during birthdays. =) Cracks me up almost every time. Sooner or later they will figure out that most mail is people wanting to take your dollars not people giving you dollars. Oh, it’s great to be a kid and to see things so simply, with no worries or responsibilities.

  • 28Nov
    Categories: Remembering Dan Comments Off on Alone at Wal-Mart

    [copied from the Caring Bridge site]

    It’s been an interesting couple of days. The holiday blues haven’t really hit just yet because we decided not to celebrate Thanksgiving until tomorrow due to work schedules. But I did go shopping at Wal-Mart the other day, by myself. That was one of the places where Dan and I got some family time. Strange, I’m sure, but shopping was a regular event anyway, why not make it a time to spend together. Sometimes we would take the kids out to eat, sometimes we would fight with them to be good and quit their whining, sometimes we would get to hold hands as they were actually being good. Most of the time it was just a great chance to talk, catch up on each others thoughts, and make memories. Anyway, so there I was in a familiar place even though I wasn’t in Clarksburg anymore, with all the Christmas decorations and presents all over everywhere and I’m wondering just what I should have gotten Dan for Christmas this year. I told him that I wanted to get him a sawmill and give it to him piece by piece throughout the month of December. I wanted to wrap up a couple of bolts for him to open the first night, maybe the motor the next night, some switches the next night, a wheel another night, his hammer and various other tools, etc . . . He laughed at me and thought it would be great fun to get a present like that, and a great way to spend Christmas day . .putting all that stuff together with the kids.

    Guess I don’t need to worry about any of that. He’s got everything he could ever want or desire. His favorite thing to say about Heaven was “who cares about gold, it’s just pavement”. We did both agree that if living in Heaven was all about living in a city, then we weren’t much interested. I hope he’s got an ideal spot.

    It was a painful time, but i did manage to get through Wal-Mart without breaking down and crying and embarrassing myself in front of hundreds of people who have no idea what I’m going through and most of which wouldn’t even care. Another first down, only about a hundred thousand more to go. God got me through that one, I’m betting He’ll stick around for the rest.

  • 26Nov
    Categories: Single Parenting Comments Off on Once again the Lord provided

    [copied from the Caring Bridge site]

    Was exhausted when I woke up this morning, so despite the fact that I got lots of sleep apparently it wasn’t very restful sleep. However, once again the Lord provided. We got two boxes today with some gifts for the kids and a few pick-me-ups for me. That gave the kids plenty to distract them so that I was able to get some rest. And then another friend popped in with some supper, so I didn’t even have the added responsibility of making supper. It was wonderful. Tomorrow looks to be another busy day and I’ve really got to do some serious school work tomorrow (or at least the kids do). It also sounds like my babies are having a rough time sleeping tonight, which means I could have a long night. thanks to all for your prayers and your encouragement. Couldn’t do it without you.

  • 24Nov
    Categories: Single Parenting Comments Off on Rough day

    [copied from the Caring Bridge site]

    It’s been a rough day. I was up a lot earlier than I should have been, didn’t get a nap (almost a necessity for this pregnant woman), and am still up at 10 pm because I just can’t seem to get all the stuff done that I need to do. I found a bit of resentment or anger or something creeping into my attitude today. Maybe it’s a bit of hopelessness . . . some of it stems from the lack of sleep I’m sure, but I fear my natural bent to human emotions is kicking in again. I’m mean, you can only be frozen for so long when faced with this kind of heat. Eventually the shock has to wear off and we have to face the ugliness that has been hiding behind the curtains, the extreme’s of human emotions that get us into trouble. Training takes over in a time of stress, but eventually the emotions break through the barriers and cause you to question your training. Then it’s a matter of defying the moment of weakness, remembering that your training and decisions of faith were done at a time when there was less stress, and trusting yourself and the one who trained you to have thought through the options carefully when there was no pressure. So, I guess I defy my emotions. I refuse to think about it at this point, and I’m going to bed so that I will be able to think more rationally in the morning.

    So, did I confuse anyone? That’s o.k. I managed to work out a few things for myself and those who need to know, will. Thanks again for all your prayers. Especially today. Keep this new baby in mind, too. It won’t be much longer.

  • 22Nov
    Categories: Family Updates Comments Off on House plans

    [copied from the Caring Bridge site]

    Looked at house plans again tonight. One of the things that Dan and I have done ever since we were married was design, sketch, discuss, and plan what kind of house we were going to have once we got the chance to build our own. Now I think we are actually going to be able to do that. Lord willing, by the end of the new year (2009), I’m hoping that rather than informing you all about the new baby (since I guess those days are gone for now) I’ll be telling you about the new house. For those of you who are a bit new . . . almost every year Dan and I were married I was sending out a Christmas letter telling everyone that we were pregnant and expecting a new baby, or telling them about the baby we just had. I’m doubting that I will get a Christmas letter out this year . . I’m thinking an Easter letter would be about right . . I think I’ll wait until Jr. #7 is born and then fill you all in on the exciting year that God had planned for me. So, don’t be miffed if you don’t get a Christmas letter. We are still thinking about you all and we hope you have a wonderful, merry Christmas, we are just planning on celebrating our Christmas a little later (jr. is due the 23rd of Dec.).

    Speaking of holidays, they keep telling me that Thanksgiving is like, . . next week. Time has kind of been standing still for me, but I want to make sure that I don’t miss Thanksgiving. I really do have so much to be thankful for. I’m thankful for all the friends and family who have been here to support me during this rough time. I’m thankful for the wide-spread body of Christ who has been so caring and supportive. I’m thankful for the 7 and 1/2 WONDERFUL years that I had with my WONDERFUL husband. I’m thankful for the 7 beautiful children that he has blessed me with. I’m thankful for the millions of little ways the Lord has directed and shown me His hand of guidence. And I’m thankful for this strange device called the Internet that has made so much of this possible.

    Keep praying for us. Our God is a big God, but our minds are little minds and it’s hard to comprehend and remember just how big our God really is. Pray that we don’t forget God’s love and the support of this body of believers.

    Love in Christ,


  • 20Nov
    Categories: Family Updates Comments Off on Looking for a van

    Just a quick note to let you all know that we are in the process of looking for a van that will fit all of the kids comfortably without me having to kill myself trying to buckle seat belts. We found one in NC, are having someone look at it mechanically, and are making a few inquiries. We are also looking for one in MI and hope to hear something about that within the next couple of days. The one in NC looks perfect, but vehicles tend to hide their imperfections. They are also asking quite a bit of money. . . at least more than I’ve ever paid for a vehicle. Due to all the gifts from friends and family I think that we can swing the purchase. Thanks once again to all who have helped us.

  • 17Nov
    Categories: Family Updates Comments Off on Huge decision

    [copied from the Caring Bridge site]

    Well, I did it. I made a huge decision on my own without Dan’s input. It’s enough to make me want to cry, yell, and cry some more. I liked being able to tell Dan what I thought and then just let him make the final decision. It took so much pressure off of me. That was the way God planned it and I’m struggling a bit with the sin cursed world changing God’s plans and messing with my life this way. Praise the Lord for a place called heaven to look forward to and to get back into God’s perfect plan for us.

    Anyway, the major decision was what to do about baby. I’m still flexible, but at this point I am planning on being in Pennsylvania to have baby number 7. The thought is that someone would come out to MI and drive back to PA with the kids and I sometime the week of the 8th of Dec. I’ve been trying to be in MI for Christmas, but I guess that won’t be happening this year. Maybe next year. I am currently planning on being in PA for most of December, but hoping to be back in MI sometime during the month of January and then I’m thinking that I’ll stay in MI until it’s warm enough to build in PA. There are some very exciting plans in the works for building a house for the kids and I, close to my parents, and I’m looking forward to getting involved in all of that.

    The kids are doing well. They obviously miss their Daddy, but seem to be doing fine. They are all exhibiting to some extent a decided clingyness (is that a word?) for their mother, but I was actually prepared for that and have a certain desire to cling to them as well, so I guess it all works out in the end.

    Thanks again to all of you who are supporting and holding me up in prayer. I’m looking at several major decisions over the next couple of months and it’s not something I enjoy. Please keep praying and I will try to keep you all updated.

  • 06Nov
    Categories: Remembering Dan Comments Off on Thank you all!

    [copied from the Caring Bridge site]

    Thank you all for your prayers, donations, support, and desire to help during this difficult time. Looking back I can see many, many ways that the Lord was preparing me for this particular time in my life. It’s weird, I never wanted to be a single mother, and often thought that one of our greatest witnesses for Christ was our loving, caring relationship with each other. Many people that Dan worked with and that I knew often commented on our relationship. They just couldn’t fathom how we could be so happy together. That happiness also means great pain, but I still wouldn’t trade our 7 1/2 years together for anything. For those who knew Dan I get chuckles of disbelief when I say Dan was perfect, but he was. He was perfect for me. He made life exciting (and still is I might add), he prodded me out of my comfort zone, he convicted me about my giving spirit or lack thereof, and he reminded me on a daily basis that my attitude was a personal choice. And of course, I could go on and on about him, but what I really wanted to do was let you all know that while I may be a bit overwhelmed by the curve that my life has taken, my faith is still strong, and your prayers and support have been an incredible asset to me. I just can’t say enough about how wonderful it has been to see everyone pulling together from all corners of the globe to support us and our family. Thank you so much.