Don’t suppose anyone has some spare lumber laying around?
I’m going to build a pole barn for my lawn mower. =) (My Dad says I’m dreaming.) I’d also like to put in a small orchard, a wind break or two, and get some railroad ties to hold back some of my yard from invading the space around my mailbox. =)
It’s spring. I am feeling invigorated and ready to take on the world, or at least I will be able to after my nap.
I’m reading in Ecclesiastes this morning and I read something that reminded me of something I read in Ruth Bell Graham’s book yesterday Legacy of a Pack Rat. It’s a topic that is often on my mind.
Chapter 7, vs 13 says, “Consider the work of God; for who can make that straight, which he hath made crooked.” And vs 21-22 says, “Also take no heed unto all words that are spoken; lest thou hear thy servant curse thee: For oftentimes also thine own heart knoweth that thou thyself likewise hast cursed others.”
I am currently in training to be the mother of a teenager. My brother is turning 14 this week and he has teenageritis bad. I often find myself looking at him with shock and thinking “REALLY!!?” So far I’ve found it best to use the theory behind these verses although I must admit that sometimes “big sister mode” kicks in. (O.K. Mom, so that mode kicks in more often than it should =)
Example: He says something really stupid and while giving him a blank look my mind is racing with thoughts like, “He can’t really mean that. Where does this kid get off? I’m the adult here. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Cut him some slack, big sis. He will grow up one of these days.” And the kicker, “You were probably just as bad when you were a teenager.” Although I doubt that one was true. =)
So, to connect the dots; I have a picture in mind of what I think a person should be like-Straight. But God doesn’t make things the way I think they should be made. He makes them the way He thinks they should be made and I really have no control over whether or not they are straight or crooked. And besides, I’ve probably done the same thing a time or two myself. After all, “there is nothing new under the sun”.
Ruth put it this way.
Who hasn’t, at one time or anothr, fallen flat on one’s face? Some people seem more prone to fall than others, more prone to failure. [God's crooked vs. our straight?]
I recall one baby Christan (a grown man, but a baby Christian). . .
The older Christians were waiting for this man to fall. And it wasn’t long before he obliged them.
He said later that the greatest stumbling block in the beginning of his Christian life was not his old drinkig buddies, but skeptical Christians waiting for him to fall flat on his face so they could say, “I told you so!”
Many of us feel we have the gift of discernment when it comes to the faults and failures of other Christians–and on top of that, the gift of disapproval as well. But even our Lord came not to condemn (we were already condemned), “but that the world through him might be saved John 3:17).
Who in your family or among your acquaintances do you most heartily disapprove of? Don’t you think that one is already eaten up with guilt? How can you show kindness?
I’ve been brought to my knees by a safety latch.
How hard could it be to install a simple safety latch? I’m an educated female. I have done some construction work. I know how to use a screw gun. I can read the directions. Not only that, but I’m a single mother and it’s in the rule book that I be capable of simple upkeep tasks.
Ha! That’s why I’m on the floor of my kitchen, crying and yelling at my screw gun and my rock hard cabinets. Lunch is burning, the microwave is beeping, the baby wants fed, the kids are wanting me to look at a million different things, and all I wanted to do was put in four little screws!!!!!!
I do everything in five minute intervals. If it can’t be done in five minutes then I don’t have the time to do it. Large tasks get broken down into five minute increments or they don’t get done. Why would it take longer than five minutes to put in a couple of screws?!
I think I am humiliated. I still don’t think I Need a man, but it sure would make things a lot easier.
I have just had the most relaxing weekend! The kids worked real hard at their chores and earned the privilege of a sleep over at their cousin’s house. The two older boys went to Zach’s house and the three girls got to go to Kaya’s house. That left me at home with Payden (2) and Caleb (1). You might think that it would have been more relaxing if Payden and Caleb had also earned a sleep over, but I think you would be wrong.
Having two kids at home meant that I still had to be Mom, but I could focus on them without worrying about whether or not I was neglecting someone else.
Having two at home meant that I wasn’t at loose ends trying to figure out what my role was and what I was supposed to be doing with this free time.
Having two at home freed me from the pressure of “making the best use of my ‘alone’ time” (because there are always a zillion and one things to do when there aren’t kids around to distract me).
Having two at home meant that I wasn’t constantly bombarded with questions and demands from multiple sources meaning the two didn’t have to work so hard to get my attention.
It also helped that it was a rain day which always makes things seem to move a little slower. And we also lost power again this morning (gotta look into that generator idea again I think) meaning that a lot of our normal activities were put on hold. So, we went out to the garage where there was a lot more sunlight, and we cleaned up. That made me feel good too. That garage was a mess!! It’s still not quite done, but we can see the floor rather than wading through the two inches of dirt, bikes, hats, gloves, snowsuits, coats, shoes, and sawdust. There is plenty of room to walk around and play and the kids can get to their cubbies again. Now if I could just get that work bench cleaned up and organized . . .
Thank you, Lord.
I feel so bold and daring. =)
Never mind the fact that it took me three months to come up with this plan; it’s taken me over a week to actually make the decision; it is a plan meaning it’s lacks a little spice for an adventure; I’m not exactly doing it on my own; I’m already worried about it; I will probably be exhausted when it’s all over; and I know at some point I’m going to say, “I am so totally crazy to have even thought that this was a good idea!”
But the pro’s are great. We get to see our family in MI again; visit with friends; do a bit of traveling (a good thing in case you’re wondering); step out of our routine-such as it is; and then I’ll have some time without kids, maybe a chance to sleep in (not really sure I can do that), a chance to refocus, get a grip on the bigger picture and maybe get some new ideas on running this ship.
Whew! I’m tired already.
Last night danger came to my home. Subtle and quiet, friendly yet deceptive, . . it slipped it’s way past my radar and touched my children. I find myself quite upset about it; there is turmoil, heaviness of spirit, grief, pain, fear. This affects so much more than just me and my children. My reaction is vital and will have long range, long lasting effects.
I can let this deal a powerful blow to my self-esteem. I missed it. I must not have been paying enough attention. I should have seen it coming. I ignored the warning signs. Why were other things so important that they distracted me from my children’s well being?
But that let’s God out of the picture. I’m human. I can only do so much. I cannot live in fear of the unknown. And if it’s unknown I can’t do anything about it anyway. Thinking that I should have noticed puts unrealistic expectations on myself. God can handle it.
I could blame someone else. What was he thinking? It’s all her fault. Where were they when I needed them? Why didn’t someone else notice?
But if I follow that way of thinking then I won’t be able to trust anyone. I’m human. I make mistakes. I have to allow for that in other people, too.
I coul hide from possible future reoccurences (extreme hiding).
But I doubt that will really be effective, it shows a decided lack of trust in God, and in the end my kids will hate me for it.
I could go crazy worrying about everything a mother could possibly worry about for their kids and do my best to protect them from anything and everything that could harm them.
But I don’t cotton to that philosophy. Besides, I’m not built that way. That would wear me out in about three hours and if I’m so totally worried I wouldn’t be able to sleep and I would probably have a nervous breakdown that would put me in the hospital by the end of the week. Worry is another demonstration of a lack of trust in a perfect God. What makes me think I can do it better? And I doubt my kids would like this reaction either.
My conclusion? Well, . . I have to trust God. He saw it. He knows everything. He can use it in our lives to make us better, . . if we let Him. Yeah, “Mother Bear Instinct” wants to protect my kids, but they need to learn HOW to deal with situations, and how to react to the good and the bad, rather than just how to avoid or overlook the problems.
I also need to forgive. Not the forgetful kind of forgiveness because I need to be reminded occasionally so that I stay alert and aware of the danger, but the kind of forgiveness that frees me from bitterness and the responsibility of punishment.
My children are watching. Their innocence means that they will be looking to me (and others) to see how they should react. Is this something to fear; something to pass off, something to hide, something to share . . ?
Is my God big enough? Do I trust Him enough? He has promised never to leave us or forsake us.
Ecclesiastes 3:11
“He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.”
This WILL be beautiful in HIS time.
No man can understand the big picture that God is creating. We must rest and trust in His wisdom, love and perfection. He WILL make it beautiful.
Some days I really empathize with Solomon’s “vanity of vanities, all is vanity” theory on life.
Muscle those depressing thoughts into submission. Shove them back into Satan’s box where they belong. GOD has proven that He can be trusted and He loves us. Relax. It will work out just like He wants it to.
I’m sorry, Dan. I’m failing you.
I watched you try so hard to avoid this particular pitfall and here I am, up to my neck in the mud. You saw and felt the pain this could bring and you were determined that you would do better. I didn’t think I had anything to fear. That’s pride speaking. Pride is a nasty, subtle beast that steals its way into the heart and mind of its victim and slowly penetrates to the very core and spreads it’s venom in ever widening circles.
But for the grace of God, there go I.
Why aren’t you here to snap me out of this and push me on?
We’ve heard “pride comes before a fall”
And that’s the reason why,
When proud folks fall flat on their face,
They’re served a “humble pie.”
Its taste is bitter on the tongue,
And brings tears to the eyes,
But once accepted and digested,
It makes the eater wise!
Learn more about this author, Nan Keltie.
Today my child looked at me and whined. “Moooommmm!”
I took a breath and a moment of silence to control my temper and here is my response (in a very whiney tone, of course)(how does one spell whine anyway?).
“You know, I want to whine too. Moooommmm, someone hurt me! Moooommmm, why do I have to forgive? Moooommmm, why do I have to share my toys and my time? Moooommmm, I don’t want to clean up this mess! Moooommmm, I don’t like this! Moooommmm, I want this to be different! Moooommmm, It’s not fair!”
Now, take out the Moooommmm’s and put in “God!” and you have a pretty good synopsis of what I feel like this morning.
Then the clincher. I looked at my child, took a deep breath and said with all the sarcasm I could muster, “But I am a responsible adult and I will not whine.”
I wonder if God thinks I’m doing o.k. at that ‘adult’ thing.
Song: I could have missed the pain, but I would have missed the dance.
Thought: The dance made it worthwhile? But what if I can’t remember the dance anymore? So much of Dan has been relegated to the past and like all things in the past the edges blur, pieces are missing, and the worst part is that he just isn’t a part of my daily life. So, all I’m left with is the pain and some blurred memories that get more and more distant.
Praise the Lord the song is wrong. Yeah, the dance was wonderful and I wouldn’t change it for anything, but that’s not what makes it all worthwhile.
Payden (2) kissed me the other night. I’ve been cuddling him for a minute or two before he goes to sleep and then I give him a big kiss before I leave the room. The other night he turned to me, put his little hands on my face, puckered up and gave me the sweetest kiss I’ve had since Dan died. He was so cute. Then he giggled like he thought he was hot stuff.
We went to a basketball game last night. It was a “Just for Fun” game and they let a bunch of the little kids play a mini game at half time. Benjamin (7) did well; Josiah (6) wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but he kept trying; Abigail (5) just stood there confused until a basketball hit her on the head. =) It was fun to watch and they did really well considering they’ve never “played” a game before.
So, I guess you could say that in one sense the kids make it all worth while, but if I didn’t have any kids would it still have been worth it? And I still would have to say yes.
Dan expanded my world to such an extent that I can’t even begin to touch on all the ways he has changed my life. The world is bigger. I know many wonderful people now that I never would have met without Dan. I am so much more aware of politics, environmental hogwash, world news, and the mechanics of cars, computers, and, engines to name a few. Our relationship with each other (and the kids) made me much more aware of the variety of people, their characteristics, and their personalities.
I would not be who I am today if it were not for Dan. And since I happen to like who I am I would have to say that Dan was good for me.
And the icing on the cake would have to be my spiritual walk. Living that close to anyone will either improve or ruin your relationships. I like to think that living that close to Dan helped me in my walk with the Lord. And if living with him didn’t do it, than living without him is definitely a push in the right direction.
So, the conclusion is still that it’s worth it. I just have to remind myself of that on days like this when it hurts so much I can’t stop crying.
